Archive for January, 2009

« Older Entries

The importance of rapport

Saturday, January 31st, 2009

The way I live and love requires a lot of trust. When was the last time you put your safety in the hands of someone else? When was the last time you did it while at the most fragile moments when you are loving, with your guard down, totally vulnerable?

I never have to demand ritual behavior by a woman. She responds to me out the want of pleasing me. Compliance comes from the wanting to please, not the fear of punishment. I understand the fragile nature of mind and body, and never violate the trust given to me.

I am always open to communication and discussion, always ready to hear her wants and needs. I am patient, taking the time to learn her limits, and knowing that as her trust of me grows, so will the intensity of our relationship.

Posted in Rapport | No Comments »

Where I learned about rapport

Friday, January 30th, 2009

Most of what I have been using during the last few years came from books in general about relationships and sales techniques that I have read all my life, and more recently from the teachings of Marshall Sylver, Style, Joshua, and others.

I know what has been more appropriate for me, but can’t guess what would be the best combination for someone else without talking to the person and learning about his/her priorities and interests. I suggest extensive research on the Internet before spending any money with any system.

Posted in Rapport | No Comments »

The Game

Thursday, January 29th, 2009

Once I was blind, now I see. (John 9:25)

The game, which in this context refers to all the technology about seduction and relationships you can learn today from De Angelo, Mistery, Style, and other great schools, made my approaches and my seduction process a lot faster. By a lot faster I would say what I would do in a year before now I can do in a couple of weeks. It’s amazing how comprehensive, organized, and accessible this technology is today.

I learned how to better approach people, how to have them approach me, how to deal with my relationships from a position of higher value to them, how to build rapport, and how to seduce women. I also learned a lot about myself, how I deal with women, how I react to others, and how I learn new concepts and methods.

Posted in The Game | No Comments »

Fantasies

Wednesday, January 28th, 2009

If you had a chance to try anything one time, what would that be?

The question suggests “trying anything without consequences” and that is territory of fantasies, sexual in nature or not. The fundamental component of fantasies is that they exist only for their elasticity, their ability to instantly incorporate any new character, image or idea – or, as in dreams, to which they bear so close a relationship – to contain conflicting ideas simultaneously. They expand, heighten, distort or exaggerate reality, taking one further, faster in the direction in which the unashamed unconscious already knows it wants to go. They present the astonished self with the incredible, the opportunity to entertain the impossible*.

One of the greatest discoveries I had during these last few years was to learn that women also have and express their fantasies in ways that are more rich and interesting than men. Nacy Friday’s book and some others were like finding a little window with a view to another world.

* Shamelessly adapted from My Secret Garden, by Nancy Friday

Posted in Experience | No Comments »

Words you shouldn’t use

Tuesday, January 27th, 2009

The quality of our lives depends directly on the quality of our communication. Communication with others as well as the communication with ourselves. There are some words that are very important in our communication which we should pay a lot attention.

Try

The word try suggests failure or insincerity. Say that you will try to do something is not the same as saying you will do something. If you say that you will try something and you end up failing, you can always say “at least I tried!”

Get rid of this word! And when someone tells you they will try to do what you want, you can practically know that it will not happen. For example: If a friend says that he will try to send you a report that you need on Monday, you can overcome this lack of definition – “I know that you are really busy and that Monday may not be possible. Can we set-up for you to deliver this report on Tuesday, for sure?” – Once you surround the person and obtain the commitment by having him switch “try” for “for sure” the chances you will see the result are much higher.

Replace the word “try” for “for sure” in your conversations and in other peoples’.

Wrong: I will try to call you back today.

Right: I will most definitely call you back today.

Wrong: I will try to get an A on my next exam.

Right: I will get an A on my next exam for sure.

Using the words “for sure” makes you commit, and does not let space for any doubt.

I can’t

Another set of words to take out of your vocabulary are the words “I can’t”. Because this always means one of two things: “I don’t know how” or “I don’t want to”.

If I say “I can’t” to myself I immediately ask if I do not know how to do it or if I don’t want to make any effort to do it. If it is the first case I certainly try to learn, and if it is the second I abandon the idea and don’t feel guilt about it.

Remove these words from your conversation and when someone tells you that, find out if this person doesn’t know how to do what she is asked, and in this case you can help by teaching her, or if she doesn’t want to do it you can may to convince her to do it or find someone else who will.

But

This word has a hidden meaning that you need to avoid. It means a negative. When someone uses the word “but” you can eliminate whatever comes before it in the phrase. For example, if someone says:

I like to be with you, but I do not have time to be here frequently.

The truth is:

I do not have time to be here frequently.

When someone says:

I want to be rich, but building wealth takes a lot of work.

What was actually said was:

Building wealth takes a lot of work.

In each place you use the word “but” you could use “and” and your attitude would be profoundly changed:

I like to be with you and I do not have time to come here frequently.

I want to be rich and building wealth takes a lot of work.

I hope

This verb shows indecision, and should be replaced by “know”. Look:

Undecided: I hope to finish this project until the end of the year.

Decided: I know I’ll finish this project until the end of the year.

Undecided: I hope to take all the right decisions.

Decided: I know I will take all the right decisions.

If

This word always shows lack of decision and could be replaced by “when”. The progress is dramatic. See how it changes:

Weak:

If I sell this product…

If I show you how this works…

You will be satisfied if you go on a dinner date with me…

You will make a lot of money if you give me this opportunity…

Now determined:

When I sell this product…

When I show you how this works…

You will be pleased when you go on a dinner date with me…

You will make a lot of money when you give me this opportunity…

Problem

I avoid using the word “problem” in my conversations. Instead of asking someone “what’s the problem?” I say “what is the challenge?”. I do that because “problem” has a bad connotation, like an obstacle, something that keeps us from going further. Meanwhile, the word “challenge” invites us to go over it, around or thru it. Challenges invite us to action.

Posted in How To | No Comments »

Display a positive status

Monday, January 26th, 2009

Have you noticed how people treat you better when you smile? If someone asks how you are doing, always say “Excellent!”, and notice how you will be treated better!

Always use your best outfits. Do not dress up only for special occasions, dress up to make an occasion special. When you see a happy, well-dressed person with a confident talk and the certainty of winning, you would like to do business with her. I doubt you would rather to deal with the low-life behind the stand.

This attitude will also make you more attractive because you will attract other people like you. Because it is always more fun to be in the presence of winners than in the presence of losers.

If someone asks how you are doing, even if you are going thru the worst day ever and everything is going wrong, at least set your mind in the right direction saying: “I am getting better!”. In most situations what you answer may not make any difference to the listener, but it makes a great difference to you. You are not only talking to others, but also to yourself.

Posted in How To | No Comments »

Become a better communicator

Sunday, January 25th, 2009

Successful people are in general excelent communicators. Politicians, businessmen, artists, investors. The great majority of them are experts in inspiring people to follow them and to agree with them.

The majority of people are afraid to speak in public. Matter of fact is that this is one of the main fears that holds people from achieving professional success, developing new relationships, and closing more deals. You must improve in order to be able to convince people go towards the direction you want to go.

Efficient communicators also take total responsibility for being understood. You will never hear a successful person saying: “You just don’t understand me!”. Good communicators certify themselves that they are being understood, and when that doesn’t happen, they take care of being clearer!

95% of people are conducted by only 5% of people. This happens because this minority has leadership and view. When you have a clear view of where you want to go, it is very easy to convince people to go with you.

Posted in How To | No Comments »

What is wealth?

Saturday, January 24th, 2009

We all start from nothing. We arrive to this world naked, helpless and ignorant.

You accumulate certain resources throughout life, or maybe you have not accumulated any, usually measured by money. This vision is limited because it excludes many other resources you have:

Creativity

Imagination

Vision

Generosity

Courage

Persistence

Integrity

Connections

Experience

Elegance

Beauty

Credibility

Wealth is not made of money. Money is only one manifestation of wealth. It is a form, but not a substance. Prosperity is a mentality, not things. You can be prosperous without having much money. You can be rich and not be prosperous.

I am troubled by how much people measure success by money, while one thing has very little to do with the other. Do you think Gandhi was not a successful figure because his portfolio was not impressive? Would you classify Mother Theresa as a failure because she was never a rich woman? Most of our founding fathers end up their lives badly in debt. Jesus was broke!

At the same time we all know many people that have a lot of money and we wouldn’t trade places with them, we wouldn’t want their broken lives, and we would not want to be as unhappy, as frustrated, or as stupid as them.

Money does not measure how proud we are of our kids, or how loving we are to our spouses. Money does not reveal how much we care for the others and how loving we are to the ones who need our help. When you say something good to someone on the street that doesn’t add a dollar to your bank account, but it adds value to your life. Making money is important and we know many reasons to make lots of it, but never fall into the trap of measuring the value of people by how much they have.

Posted in Wealth | No Comments »

How I am

Friday, January 23rd, 2009

I am romantic enough to be protective and chivalrous. I prove to her that I am someone she can lean on, and depend on. Old-fashioned enough to be a bit of a chauvinist, yet modern enough to respect my women. I believe people play different roles in the relationship. Quick to point out the differences between them, I also know there is no inferiority in those differences.

In times of need, a Dominant man will leave the roles behind, to be a supportive friend and partner, never forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between caring individuals. He is quick to understand the differences between fantasy and reality.

Posted in On being dominant | No Comments »

Why few people are sexually liberated?

Thursday, January 22nd, 2009

Sexual repression is nothing new. Many societies around the world place restrictions on the sex lives of their citizens, often with heavy consequences should an individual deviate from what is considered acceptable in that society. Adulterers, unwed lovers, homosexuals, and even people caught in the act of masturbating have been institutionalized, tortured, mutilated, or even executed for committing acts of sexual gratification.

While we no longer hang people for having sex out of wedlock or clamp spiked rings over the penises of masturbators, we can still hear the harpies of morality screeching their anti-sex agendas from pulpits and campaign platforms across the country. Concerned citizens boycott stores that carry literature about certain forms of sexual activity and lobby to squash anything remotely resembling sexual education in our schools. Television and radio producers are fined and chastised if their programming is deemed to be too racy for those moral-minded, sensitive American audiences. Adult-oriented establishments are greatly restricted in their activities, watched like hawks, and heavily fined or shut down completely.

Even in the privacy of their own homes, citizens are strongly discouraged against practicing any type of sexual activity outside of mundane and marital pairings. So it comes as no surprise that real, practical sexual education is not common.

I usually ask why is it that we are thought how to floss, how to drive, how to hold a fork, and how to do many other pedestrian things… but when it comes the time to learn how to be a good lover, a good friend, and a good parent, things that are decisive for our happiness and the happiness of those around us, we are generally left to our own devices, and to trial and error.

Posted in Sexuality | No Comments »

« Older Entries