The way I live and love requires a lot of trust. When was the last time you put your safety in the hands of someone else? When was the last time you did it while at the most fragile moments when you are loving, with your guard down, totally vulnerable?

I never have to demand ritual behavior by a woman. She responds to me out of the want of pleasing me. Compliance comes from the wanting to please, not the fear of punishment. I understand the fragile nature of mind and body, and never violate the trust given to me.

I am always open to communication and discussion, always ready to hear her wants and needs. I am patient, taking the time to learn her limits, and knowing that as her trust in me grows, so will the intensity of our relationship.

Creating and keeping rapport is in the center of it all. Escalating into higher levels of trust and compliance is the next thing.

The quality of our lives depends directly on the quality of our communication. Communication with others as well as the communication with ourselves. There are some words that are very important in our communication which we should pay a lot attention.

You will not use these words by accident. You only use them by design, with a purpose in mind. Take control of these words and your communication will improve substantially:

Try

The word try suggests failure or insincerity. Say that you will try to do something is not the same as saying you will do something. If you say that you will try something and you end up failing, you can always say “at least I tried!”

Get rid of this word! And when someone tells you they will try to do what you want, you can practically know that it will not happen. For example: If a friend says that he will try to send you a report that you need on Monday, you can overcome this lack of definition – “I know that you are really busy and that Monday may not be possible. Can we set-up for you to deliver this report on Tuesday, for sure?” – Once you surround the person and obtain the commitment by having him switch “try” for “for sure” the chances you will see the result are much higher.

Replace the word “try” for “for sure” in your conversations and in other peoples’.

Wrong: I will try to call you back today.

Right: I will most definitely call you back today.

Wrong: I will try to get an A on my next exam.

Right: I will get an A on my next exam for sure.

Using the words “for sure” makes you commit, and does not let space for any doubt.

I can’t

Another set of words to take out of your vocabulary are the words “I can’t”. Because this always means one of two things: “I don’t know how” or “I don’t want to”.

If I say “I can’t” to myself I immediately ask if I do not know how to do it or if I don’t want to make any effort to do it. If it is the first case I certainly try to learn, and if it is the second I abandon the idea and don’t feel guilt about it.

Remove these words from your conversation and when someone tells you that, find out if this person doesn’t know how to do what she is asked, and in this case you can help by teaching her, or if she doesn’t want to do it you can may to convince her to do it or find someone else who will.

But

This word has a hidden meaning that you need to avoid. It means a negative. When someone uses the word “but” you can eliminate whatever comes before it in the phrase. For example, if someone says:

I like to be with you, but I do not have time to be here frequently.

The truth is:

I do not have time to be here frequently.

When someone says:

I want to be rich, but building wealth takes a lot of work.

What was actually said was:

Building wealth takes a lot of work.

In each place you use the word “but” you could use “and” and your attitude would be profoundly changed:

I like to be with you and I do not have time to come here frequently.

I want to be rich and building wealth takes a lot of work.

Hope

This verb shows indecision, and should be replaced by “know”. Look:

Undecided: I hope to finish this project until the end of the year.

Decided: I know I’ll finish this project until the end of the year.

Undecided: I hope to take all the right decisions.

Decided: I know I will take all the right decisions.

If

This word always shows lack of decision and could be replaced by “when”. The progress is dramatic. See how it changes:

Weak:

If I sell this product…

If I show you how this works…

You will be satisfied if you go on a dinner date with me…

You will make a lot of money if you give me this opportunity…

Now determined:

When I sell this product…

When I show you how this works…

You will be pleased when you go on a dinner date with me…

You will make a lot of money when you give me this opportunity…

Problem

Have you noticed how people treat you better when you smile? If someone asks how you are doing, always say “Excellent!”, and notice how you will be treated better!

Always use your best outfits. Do not dress up only for special occasions, dress up to make an occasion special. When you see a happy, well-dressed person with a confident talk and the certainty of winning, you would like to do business with her. I doubt you would rather to deal with the low-life behind the stand.

This attitude will also make you more attractive because you will attract other people like you. Because it is always more fun to be in the presence of winners than in the presence of losers.

If someone asks how you are doing, even if you are going thru the worst day ever and everything is going wrong, at least set your mind in the right direction saying: “I am getting better!”. In most situations what you answer may not make any difference to the listener, but it makes a great difference to you. You are not only talking to others, but also to yourself.

Successful people are in general excelent communicators. Politicians, businessmen, artists, investors. The great majority of them are experts in inspiring people to follow them and to agree with them.

The majority of people are afraid to speak in public. Matter of fact is that this is one of the main fears that holds people from achieving professional success, developing new relationships, and closing more deals. You must improve in order to be able to convince people go towards the direction you want to go.

Efficient communicators also take total responsibility for being understood. You will never hear a successful person saying: “You just don’t understand me!”. Good communicators certify themselves that they are being understood, and when that doesn’t happen, they take care of being clearer!

95% of people are conducted by only 5% of people. This happens because this minority has leadership and view. When you have a clear view of where you want to go, it is very easy to convince people to go with you.

We all start from nothing. We arrive to this world naked, helpless and ignorant.

You accumulate certain resources throughout life, or maybe you have not accumulated any, usually measured by money. This vision is limited because it excludes many other resources you have:

Wealth is not made of money. Money is only one manifestation of wealth. It is a form, but not a substance. Prosperity is a mentality, not things. You can be prosperous without having much money. You can be rich and not be prosperous.

I am troubled by how much people measure success by money, while one thing has very little to do with the other. Do you think Gandhi was not a successful figure because his portfolio was not impressive? Would you classify Mother Theresa as a failure because she was not a rich woman? Most of our founding fathers end up their lives badly in debt. Jesus was broke!

At the same time we all know many people that have a lot of money and we wouldn’t trade places with them, we wouldn’t want their broken lives, and we would not want to be as unhappy, as frustrated, or as stupid as them.

Money does not measure how proud we are of our kids, or how loving we are to our spouses. Money does not reveal how much we care for the others and how loving we are to the ones who need our help. When you say something good to someone on the street that doesn’t add a dollar to your bank account, but it adds value to your life. Making money is important and we know many reasons to make lots of it, but never fall into the trap of measuring the value of people by how much they have.

Sexual repression is nothing new. Many societies around the world place restrictions on the sex lives of their citizens, often with heavy consequences should an individual deviate from what is considered acceptable in that society. Adulterers, unwed lovers, homosexuals, and even people caught in the act of masturbating have been institutionalized, tortured, mutilated, or even executed for committing acts of sexual gratification.

While we no longer hang people for having sex out of wedlock or clamp spiked rings over the penises of masturbators, we can still hear the harpies of morality screeching their anti-sex agendas from pulpits and campaign platforms across the country. Concerned citizens boycott stores that carry literature about certain forms of sexual activity and lobby to squash anything remotely resembling sexual education in our schools. Television and radio producers are fined and chastised if their programming is deemed to be too racy for those moral-minded, sensitive American audiences. Adult-oriented establishments are greatly restricted in their activities, watched like hawks, and heavily fined or shut down completely.

Even in the privacy of their own homes, citizens are strongly discouraged against practicing any type of sexual activity outside of mundane and marital pairings. So it comes as no surprise that real, practical sexual education is not common.

I usually ask why is it that we are thought how to floss, how to drive, how to hold a fork, and how to do many other pedestrian things – but when it comes to learn how to be a good lover, a good friend, and a good parent, things that are decisive for our happiness and the happiness of those around us, we are generally left to our own devices, and to trial and error.

The best way is to actively connect with them one way or another. My favorite place for that is the Internet. I post my profile online on dating web sites and social networks, I participate in events and parties, and I join clubs that attract people with similar interests.

Those that have been there before me. Those that have more experience and learned the same things I am learning now, but a lot earlier.

I wouldn’t ask for any financial advice from someone that doesn’t have a lot more money than I have. I also wouldn’t ask for legal advice from someone that isn’t a lot more qualified in this field than I am. So why would I ever ask advice about relationships, sex, or attraction from someone that knows as much as I do?

I can’t suggest any learning path other than my own. I can look back and see the lessons I learned, the mistakes I made, and the education I gathered and I can draw some suggestions from that. Please take it for what it is worth: A suggestion drawn from my personal experience.

I read a lot! Even when I didnt have any money to buy books I used to visit public libraries and read anything that could show me how to understand people, psychology, anthropology, history, philosophy.

I went to swingers clubs and kinky clubs and talked to people. I had the courage to ask those that were in those lifestyles for a long time for advice. I listened and observed.

But most important of all, I practiced! When the opportunity came to be in relationships with interesting women, who were open-minded, adventurous, and curious like me I went straight to the point and told them I wanted to learn and experienced everything I could, and asked them to join me on that discovery. When you tell that honestly, open your heart and show that you really want to become a better lover, a better friend, and a better man, what woman would refuse to play along?

My relationships have been characterized as more challenging and more rewarding. They take more trust, more honesty, and more openness than most. We get more pleasure and also build up a deeper level of respect and support than most people ever do.