Polyamory and mLTRs
by Khaos on Mar.26, 2009, under Polyamory & mLTR
I am a polyamorist.
People who identify as polyamorous typically reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for long-term loving relationships. Those who are open to, or emotionally suited for, a polyamorous lifestyle may be single or in monogamous relationships, but are more typically involved in multiple long term relationships.
Polyamory implies a relationship defined by negotiation between its members, rather than by cultural norms. Polyamory is culturally rooted in such concepts as choice and individuality, rather than in religious traditions.
Egalitarian polyamory is more closely associated with values, subcultures and ideologies that favor individual freedoms and equality in sexual matters. Many polyamorists have cultural ties to Naturism, BDSM, Modern Tantra and other special interest groups. For example, egalitarian polyamory and BDSM often face similar challenges (e.g. negotiating the ground rules for unconventional relationships, or the question of coming out to family and friends).
As many people feel very insecure about living outside the confines of mainstream behavior and norms, it is quite a challenge for them to engage in polyamory for a significant length of time. Also, the weight of some cultural values like romantic love and exclusivity in intimate relationships is deeply ingrained in the psyche of many, by religious indoctrination, family education and tradition.
Polyamorous relationships, in practice, are highly varied and individualized. Ideally they are built upon values of trust, loyalty, negotiation, and compersion*, as well as rejection of jealousy, possessiveness, and restrictive cultural standards. Such relationships are often more fluid than the traditional “dating and marriage” model of long-term relationships, and the participants in a polyamorous relationship may not have preconceptions as to duration.
For that reason it can be a lot less stressful and less dramatic when someone leaves the relationship.
* Compersion is a term used by practitioners of polyamory to describe the experience of taking pleasure that one’s partner is with another person. The feeling may or may not be sexual. Quite often it’s not.
