There are several aspects to that like the different social roles (alphas, betas, etc), the biological drive, etc. But I think one new aspect is very influential in modern society. I heard from several friends that are Doms and Dominatrix pretty much the same story with little variation: that when someone is in charge and important and full of responsibilities in the “real world” that person would have a strong drive to then prefer the opposite in their sexual life, hence their strong drive to become sexually submissive.
It’s a fine explanation but I saw too many exceptions. I am a Dominant when it comes to intimate relations but I am not submissive, or indecisive, or a beta male, or a follower in any way in the “real world”. Same happens to all my friends who are Doms. That was a big hole in the theory people were telling me about. Yes I know of a lot of surgeons, politicians and businessman that turn passive and submissive when it comes to sex, but I couldn’t apply the formula to most Doms I know and to a good number of subs as well.
Then I came up with an explanation I think will cover a much higher percentage of all people I know. Still not perfect, but I think this theory is much more universal. Here it is:
We all play roles in our lives, like “father”, “husband”, “doctor”, “mother”, “boss”, “mistress”, etc. We all play several roles. We know that many men let themselves be defined by their roles, specially their professional role. They don’t see themselves separated from the role they play as a doctor, a police officer, a professor, a stock broker, or whatever they do for a living. Many men get depressed when they lose their job, some have trouble having sex and suffer from very low self-esteem while unemployed. They let their work define who they are.
I believe that when a man (most men, and some women too) lets himself be defined by his professional role, and that role is very stressful, full of decisions, pressure, and anxiety, he will have a very strong drive to seek relief from it and will not want to take any decisions and will prefer a passive and sometimes a submissive role in sex.
When a man dissociates from his professional role and other external symbols of success, responsibility, and importance, he won’t have the anxiety and stress and will not need to seek similar relief. So he can then be dominant and independent and a leader in one aspect of his life, and do the same in other aspects, like in their intimacy.
Tags: Domination, Psychology