Archive for February, 2010

Timing

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

Get used to observing the timing of everything.

If you want to bounce to another bar, pace yourself so you finish your drinks at the same time. Order your last drinks about 15 minutes before last call, so you won’t have to wait while the overwhelmed bartender does your drinks, after 20 others.

Ask the waiter to order your car from valet just before you ask for the check. That will be just enough time to have your car as soon as you walk out of the door.

Don’t arrive too early, and definitely don’t stay close to the end of any party. If I get the impression that a party will end up within the next hour I start making my moves to leave. You don’t want to be there when the bright lights turn on and the romantic mood gets interrupted. Bounce out before the party is over.

Know what time the liquor stores close in the city you are in.

Always be aware of the time, even while it looks like you don’t care at all. You don’t want to be caught glancing at your watch or cell phone. It makes people uncomfortable.

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It is not a job interview

Monday, February 8th, 2010

Don’t let your conversations turn into job interviews. Don’t ask questions about family, her neighborhood, her school, family, career, or the weather. Those subjects are boring and will show that you are not creative and interesting.

Every time that she asks you something about family, your neighborhood, your school, family, career, or the weather, use it as a point to build rapport. Do it not by answering the question, but by leading the response into what you really want to talk about, something that will create emotional connection.

- Do you work around here? – She asks

- Yes, have been working here for a year, and I really like the area. It is beautiful and peaceful. I love riding my motorcycle after work through some country roads west of town. Have you been there? Yes, it is gorgeous country side and the feeling of freedom and peace on those roads is magic…

It doesn’t matter what people ask, you can drive the conversation in any direction you want. And they will be happy you did! Oh, my… finally a guy that knows better than answering about his computer job at Acme… She is not actually thinking it, but she is feeling it.

Most of the time when I meet with a woman I already know what she does for a living. So I got used to not asking that at all. But even if you don’t know… why do you care? If you just talk to her for that evening hoping for a one night stand, it won’t make a difference to you if she is assistant prosecutor or clerk at Target. If you start a relationship, then you will certainly figure out what she does by the next day or so. Don’t need to sacrifice your attraction on the first night by asking job interview questions.

However, she will probably ask about your career. So know very well what to do:

Don’t answer. At the most glance over the response but drive the conversation right into what you want to talk about. In most cases I give answers as vague as “I am a businessman.” and let the mystery sink in. Sometimes I just say “I am self-unemployed”, if the circumstance is more humorous. But that is it. Explaining how you make ends meet is a bad move, and asking about her ways is even worse.

Another reason to not ask any Job Interview question is that the person will feel like you are qualifying her. That is really bad and breaks rapport. It sounds like you are sizing her up to see if she is wife material or not. During attraction, which is the first part of every conversation, don’t let anyone qualify you, and qualify everyone but don’t let them notice it.

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Can I buy you a drink?

Friday, February 5th, 2010

This is the lamest, dumbest, most overused opener in the world.

Beautiful women hear this several times per evening, and if she says “yes” that doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean she likes you, it doesn’t mean she will talk to you any longer than the drink lasts. All it means is that she feels comfortable drinking your money. She may even feel entitled to it. Most freeloaders do.

Nothing sucks more than this, so say anything else. Ask her if she would buy you a drink. Ask her if you can buy her a Congressman. Feel free to buy the second round, of course.

Buying drinks, or paying for dinner, is something I do for people I am already friends with. I have no problem paying for drinks and dinner for a good friend that I already have rapport with, man or woman. However, if the drinks (or dinner, or whatever) are the ticket to keep her in your presence, you are playing a losing hand.

If a woman approaches you with an empty glass, don’t fall for that! Actually get used to look at her in the eyes. Don’t glance at her glass, and don’t glance at her boobs either!

However, I may say jokingly “Can I buy you a drink”, when we are already talking, if she knows that the drinks are for free, or if it is a B.Y.O.B. party.

Challenges

Go to a strip club, where it is customary for the client to buy extremely overpriced drinks for the girls. It is actually a rule of the house in most places. Then see how far you can go talking to her without buying any drinks. Make it a special exercise, or challenge, just for fun.

Just as an exercise go to a very busy bar and use all your talents to make people pay your drinks. This is actually easy to do when you are visiting other countries, I found out. Interesting foreigners usually get plenty of free beer.  :-)

Special tip

If you are going to a bar with a girl that is gaming with you, give her your drinking money before you walk into the bar and tell her to pay for the drinks, in cash, one by one. The hotter she is, and the more people see that she is buying all the drinks, the better it gets…

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Relationships and reality

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

It is easy, when you are young, to believe that what you desire is no less than what you deserve. To assume that if you want something bad enough you will end up having it.

When I remember some important relationships in my past that I somehow didn’t know how to manage, or outright blew off, I just hope my hardly acquired wisdom and experience will help me avoid making similar mistakes from now on. However, knowing how I often mistook passion for insight and acted according to faulty logic, I often question if that is likely.

Passion is a poor substitute for clarity of mind, and relationships are poor receptacles for dreams, as they have their way of unravelling at their own pleasure, just like the waters of a river follow the path that suits them most.

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