Khaos Theory

If you meet someone casually, at a bar or club most likely, you should ask certain questions very early in the conversation to figure out if you should eject yourself from the conversation or move ahead. Some specific questions will help you do just that:

Who are you here with?

You ask that in a way that looks like you want to meet her friends. What you actually want to know is what is her relationship with them. If she is there with her sister, that will be a tough job. If she is the designated driver, don’t expect to be able to remove her from the group. Women will generally not loosen up if they have any relatives or co-workers around. In general sisters don’t like to act naughty around sisters, with few exceptions. If she tells you she is there with her friend and waiting for her boyfriend to pick them up for a dinner, you will be happy you have that information before you spend one hour on that project.

You also want to estimate when is it that her friends will want to take her away. If she is there with her friends waiting until a show across the street starts at 10pm, you will probably want to pace yourself to finish your conversation and leave them gracefully at not later than 9:40 or so. Whatever is your calculation, try not to be interrupted while you are building a connection with someone. You interrupt, finish, or delay it at your own pace.

Where do you live?

If you are having a good time with a girl and she has in mind that after the party she will have to drive 50 miles back home and then be ready for work early in the morning, that will be bad news for you. On the other hand, if she lives 100 miles away and is not working the next day, she may be expecting not to go home later in the evening as long as she can find a nice couch to crash on… your bed perhaps?

How did you get here?

If you drove to the party and she rode her bicicle to it, you better have spece on the trunk of the car, or convince her to leave the bike behind. Whatever the solution, it will be more difficult than if she took public transportation that evening. Again, you also want to know if she is the designated driver for someone else.

What is happening tomorrow?

If she responds with generalities on what she likes to do on Sundays that is good. If she tells in detail how she has to wake up at 6 in the morning to run a half marathon… keep that in mind.

Keep your eyes open

Some things you don’t even need to ask. If she is sitting straight wearing her Gucci sunglasses, and the bar is indoors, and her purse is Channel, and her shoes are Aldo, and her watch is this brand and the blouse is that other brand… you know she will be very high maintenance. Knowing to play the game well may get you into her expensive pants, but you will not want to have that big spender around the next day.