For a while I have seen a  top model and, from a physical point-of-view it was great. But I was not attracted to her in the same ways I have been attracted to other women that I have met. I did not expect to feel that way while I was with her, or even today, a few years later. So now my question is: Would I rather have a great experience with a woman to whom I am not attracted to or an “ok” time with a woman that looks stunning?

Well… in a way I think I already answered my question.

The phenomenon of sexual attraction is complex and highly personal. And as I found out, sometimes even when we get what we think we want it isn’t what we want. We’ve all been programmed to think beauty is the ultimate yardstick by which we measure our success in choosing a wife, girlfriend or lover. We may know better if we think about it, but our gut reaction is to always go for good looks.

But as our experience level increases, a lot of guys (and women) start to realize that the other dimensions of compatibility, sexual attraction and performance come into play, and in fact usually overshadow looks alone.

I learned this in two different ways.  First with this girlfriend that had stunning looks but was a poor lover and always left me feeling unsatisfied and even lonely somehow. Being with her was like seeing a tempting treat that was always just out of reach. I usually felt like a spectator even when I was with her because the connection we had was one-dimensional. The basis for our relationship was just physical.

I experienced the opposite situation with another girl that wasn’t my physical type in any way, but who won me over with her personality and enthusiasm, becoming a favorite of mine in the process. She was the opposite of everything I liked appearance-wise. The circumstances that put us together were out of the ordinary so I gave it a chance, and I’ll always be glad I did.

Once I got to know this woman our compatibility grew. I quit seeing her as the woman who didn’t look like my ideal and started seeing her as just a really great woman that made me happy. After all, wasn’t that the objective?

I realized at that moment I’d finally turned a corner and matured as a man because I had quit chasing the appearance ideal of the girls of my youth and started to enjoy the real women that were all around me.