Wolves:

Wolves will eat almost anything they can catch. They usually hunt in packs but sometimes might be on their own. Wolves hunt at any time day or night. Wolves hunt when they are hungry but if they are not successful they can go without food for many days and even weeks. Some wolves are not in packs, these wolves are called lone wolves. They hunt by themselves while wandering around. At some point the lone wolf might join another lone wolf and form its own pack to hunt with. After finding and choosing a particular prey, they move in on it from the opposite direction the wind is blowing. This prevents the prey from smelling the wolves coming, becoming alert, then running away. The wolves will quietly close in on the prey, sometimes in single file. Soon they will break into a run and the chase begins. Wolf hunts can last only a few minutes or as long as a few hours or more. If the hunt is not successful the wolves will continue on searching for new prey, maybe one that is weaker, providing an easier kill.

That so reminds me of guys storming the bars and clubs in packs, cold approaching, peacocking, chasing their prey for miles, sometimes getting some, sometimes starving for long periods of time. For me the most visible part of it is that they walk and move a lot to do it.

Spiders:

During the process of making a web, the spider will use its own body for measurements, a very practical and ergonomic design feature of any web. This will allow the spider to move quickly around its own web with very few faults. After the spider has completed its web, it will sit and wait. If the web is broken without any major structural damage, the spider does not make any initial attempts to rectify the problem. Webs allow a spider to catch prey without having to expend energy by running it down. Thus it is an efficient method of gathering food. However, constructing the web is in itself an energetically costly process due to the large amount of protein required, in the form of silk. The spider, after spinning its web, will then wait on or near the web for a prey animal to become trapped. The spider senses the impact and struggle of a prey animal by vibrations transmitted along the web lines. Spiders do not usually adhere to their own webs. However, they are not immune to their own glue. Some of the strands of the web are sticky, and others are not. For example, if a spider has chosen to wait along the outer edges of its web, it may spin a non-sticky prey or signal line to the web hub to monitor web movement. Spiders have to be careful to climb only on the non-sticky strands of their webs. A spider positioned in the middle of the web makes for a highly visible prey for birds and other predators. Many spiders reduce this risk by hiding at the edge of the web with one foot on a signal line from the hub or by appearing to be inedible or unappetizing.

Many people act like spiders. They lay out their web (parties, clubs, pads, businesses) carefully and tend to the upkeep of their webs (maintenance) while sensing the presence of any prey on it. When the prey is ensnarled on it the spider moves to catch it, and then moves back to it’s apparently static post on the edge, waiting for the next opportunity.

Which one is you?

One would rarely choose one style in total exclusion of the other, but we tend choose the method that is more congenial to our personalities.

“Submissive” is a label used to describe a partner who takes the passive, receiving, or obedient role within a sexual context.

Here the term submissive typically refers to the partner who accepts the control of, and is obedient to the authority of, her Dominant partner within a sexual experience.

The submission of a partner is seldom absolute, often operating within a set of defined limits. A common means that submissives use to signal a Dominant partner that their limits are being approached, pushed, or even crossed is the use of safewords.

“Erotic submission is a contract between two equals, an expression of trust, and effective avenue to arousal, and a potent means of self-expression. To let another person into your heart and mind, to give him or her the ‘keys to the kingdom,’ and to trust that this person will not abuse that gift can create sexual magic. “ from Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex

Most people can read more than one book during the same week. They read one a little bit, then the other, then back to the first one without losing track of where they are on each book. Some people can read several books at the same time like that. But I don’t think someone can read fifty books at the same time and still keep track of all of them. So there is some number that is the limit of how many books you can handle simultaneously. Similarly there is a number of relationships each person can handle, and it varies from person to person.

If you are reading different books they don’t have to be necessarily about the same subject. If one book is about politics for instance, the other books don’t need to be about politics as well. You can be reading one book about cooking, another about photography, one about dieting, another about computers, and so on. Similarly humans maintain relationships of different natures simultaneously. Different people play different roles in your life. But even within the somewhat narrower range of romantic and sexual relationships you can be having different types of relationships at the same time

Some books you read in a day, during one long flight, or during a weekend. You like them for the short term and entertainment you get from them. Other books are big novels and you want to read them for a long period of time. Some books are references and you like to just go back to them every now and them when you feel the need.

When you finish reading a book don’t just drop it anywhere or leave it laying around out of place. Put it back on the shelf! Unfold the corners, make sure the cover is fine and remove page markers. Put it back on the shelf in good shape and with respect. The other books will see that is the way you treat a book and they will appreciate you more for that!

Every time you read a book it makes you smarter and more experienced, more prepared to read the next book that comes along. That is why it’s important to always read something. Even if you don’t have right now the exact book you would like to find, but there is a book of quality within reach and you have the opportunity, read it anyway for the experience it will give you.

Finally, it doesn’t matter how many times you read a book, the ending will still be the same.

If you had a chance to try anything one time, what would that be?

The question suggests “trying anything without consequences” and that is territory of fantasies, sexual in nature or not. The fundamental component of fantasies is that they exist only for their elasticity, their ability to instantly incorporate any new character, image or idea – or, as in dreams, to which they bear so close a relationship – to contain conflicting ideas simultaneously. They expand, heighten, distort or exaggerate reality, taking one further, faster in the direction in which the unashamed unconscious already knows it wants to go. They present the astonished self with the incredible, the opportunity to entertain the impossible^*.

One of the greatest discoveries I had during these last few years was to learn that women also have and express their fantasies in ways that are more rich and interesting than men. Nacy Friday’s book and some others were like finding a little window with a view to another world.

* Shamelessly adapted from My Secret Garden, by Nancy Friday

Everything I’ve experienced has led me to believe that when it comes to BDSM, there are two main categories of people: there are kinksters, people who enjoy the lifestyle and find pleasure in certain aspects of it; and then there are a smaller category of people who seek it out because they recognize in themselves an innate need to dominate or submit. It doesn’t need a name or a definition. It is just there, lurking in the subconscious, waiting to be unleashed on the conscious mind. The latter category of people are the ones I am most interested in, as it is the category I belong to.

I’ve met many people who engage in BDSM activities, such as bondage or spanking, but who insist they are “not into that BDSM stuff.” Usually, it’s because they have an idea in their heads about what BDSM is, like “BDSM means wearing a leather mask and being chained to a wall and whipped, and I don’t like that, so I’m not into BDSM.” But BDSM desn’t necessarily mean wearing a hood and being chained to the wall. If you like being lightly spanked, or light bondage excites you, then you’re into BDSM.

Some people love the aesthetic of an elaborate form of bondage; others simply aren’t interested in the bondage elements at all. The key to all these different forms of BDSM, though, is the exchange of power or sensation. One person (the “bottom” or “submissive”) is choosing to allow the other person (the “top” or “dominant”) to have control over him or her in some way, or to inflict sensation in some way. Perhaps it means allowing the other person to tie him up, perhaps it means allowing the other person to spank her, whatever.

I am romantic enough to be protective and chivalrous. I prove to her that I am someone she can lean on, and depend on. Old-fashioned enough to be a bit of a chauvinist, yet modern enough to respect my women. I believe people play different roles in the relationship. Quick to point out the differences between them, I also know there is no inferiority in those differences.

In times of need, a Dominant man will leave the roles behind, to be a supportive friend and partner, never forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between caring individuals. He is quick to understand the differences between fantasy and reality.

That is something that happens backwards. First I learned a lot of “stuff”: Techniques, methods, solutions and protocols. I thought I was very skillful, but the most important was still missing. As I met women that were more experienced, more advanced, and more sensual than I ever seen before, that opened my eyes to a very simple fact: What makes you an “expert” is not your resources and devices and methods, but your capacity to connect to women emotionally. Being capable to feel them, learn from them, but most of all love them deeply, is what makes you a man they want to be with. And we know that love is the only binding that truly holds.

I then became secure enough to laugh at myself and the absurdities of life.  Courageous enough to accept assistance. Open minded enough to learn new things. Strong enough to grow. My tools are mind, body, spirit and soul with a little help from rope, handcuffs and blindfold. I understand that each partner gains most from pleasuring the other.

Fear can prevent someone from moving forward or from trying certain sexual acts. Those fears usually come from unfamiliarity or inexperience, or from bad experiences from the past, or from bad associations that came from watching, reading, or being told that some act is dangerous, painful, unhealthy, demeaning, or humiliating. Those fears commonly cause some people to tense up or shy away.

Most fear is created by anticipation and by projecting thought forward. In a moment of true pain or danger there would be no anticipation, just action or reaction. Fear can also be indirect. A sub may not fear the act itself, but doubt the capacity of the Dom to do it correctly and safely. Fear also comes afterwards when you think about what could have happened.

The same kind of fear reaction can occur when about to engage in something new. The deep instincts we have of fight or flight cause us to tense our muscles.

An experienced Dom must know when to use fear and when to avoid it. He can use fear, even provoke it, with the intention of tensing the sub and heightening her senses, stimulating and intensifying the experience. He may also use trust, care, comfort and orientation to calm down, prepare and relax the sub prior to a challenging act or situation.

Those are moments when I don’t advocate the use of alcohol or drugs at all. If you can’t calm down someone to do something while sober you shouldn’t try it with her drunk either. A [pseudo]Dom that needs to intoxicate a sub to have his way is a faker and potentially a criminal. I am not against the use of alcohol or even drugs as recreational items and to have fun at other moments, but during sex in general and BDSM in particular.

Driven by fashion magazines and porn, millions of women subject themselves to acrobatic exercises at beauty spas to shave their pubic hair. They endure that gynecologic exam routine and leave happy with just a narrow patch (if any) of hair, very nicely called a “landing strip”, the harmless euphemism to suggest the destination of our desires. Pop culture, from fashion to porn, also created billion dollars industries of silicone, hair coloring, tanning, botoxes, implants, sexy clothing, and gym memberships, all trying to satisfy the cravings of millions of sexually charged consumers.

Looking at TV, magazines, mainstream movies and porn, in the rare occasions when you are not horny, you could easily see that matrix of perfection and performance that is far from the reality of normal human beings. Open any of the modern sexy magazines and all you will see are things. Things made of pure visual perfection, not women with doubts, shortcomings, and fears. All you see are girls competing for your very short attention span in desperate positions and absurd clothing, or lack of it. There is nothing left to be exposed. No cavity, crease, fluid or shape was left to imagination.

The virtual woman is out there to humiliate and destroy us. She raises us up with our dreams just to let us drop flat on the ground when we can’t find her in the real world. She is looking at us in the eyes, with her wonderful eyes and mouth like saying “Take me! I am always ready, I am always happy, always horny, always yours”.

Women want wealth, passion, connection, status, respect, and love. But the virtual one poses with an ostentatious attitude, or seductive vulnerability and pretends that it is you that wants her and that she is the top prize. The virtual woman suggests a disposition she doesn’t actually have in order not to bother her consumers with the inconveniences of her needs.

The virtual woman offers the ultimate experience, Nirvana packaged as orgasm. She is the goddess in a market paradise, the last stage of a video game that men can only reach by passing through a lifetime of stages where they need to acquire success, money, BMWs, Gucci, Armani’s and prestige. This woman is the final prize for a narcissistic lifestyle. She looks so perfect that she may even seem to not require any partner, able to be a lover of herself.

Unfortunately feminism has been followed by (or degenerated into) an expression of freedom that transformed women, and men, into replaceable objects with the purpose of sexual satisfaction. The competition, fueled by pop culture, creates way more anxiety and depression than any satisfaction, sexual or otherwise. Women no longer own their bodies, now their bodies own them.

Packaged in layers of fine clothes and jewelry and spray tanning, covering perfectly shaped breasts and the finest underwear that looks like the gift wrapping for divine pleasure… You can’t even see the real woman beneath all that! You are standing in awe in front of all this perfection, feeling insufficient with your ordinary life style, and impotent with your ordinary bank account.

Our sexual desires have been programmed by others, by industries that arouse our desires to sell us the promise of satisfaction, yet never deliver.

When you meet these girls, models, porn stars, strippers, escorts, dancers… you actually find women that are insecure or not, openminded or conventional, smart or dumb, but they will never have a chance to express their real values and personalities in the movies and magazines because there is no consumer demand for women that have loving husbands, happily taking care of kids, and solving problems in the real world. These women want to love and be loved, but need to spend their time laboring at virtual and real-life brothels.

Just like luxury cars, or consumer electronics, every year they come up more perfect and more intangible. We now have web sites, escort services, and gentlemen’s clubs full of girls with amazing robotic bodies and scripted conversations. These beautiful women are paid so they don’t exist but will rather be an impossible dream. They need no food or stupid conversation, or suffering, or connection, just your cash.

Freedom and lack of education seems to liberate women and make them free to choose, but that is an illusion. In a society plagued by prejudice, religious fundamentalism, and inequality like ours, we end up with objectified women thinking they are free. They are enclosed in avatars of sexual expression that only hide lonesome insecure women, hungry for love and wealth.

If Bruce Lee was to fight someone for real, and he did it many times, we wouldn’t show all the hundreds of moves and techniques he knew. He would just use the exact necessary move to finish the fight as fast as possible.

In the movies he did very elaborate moves and looked really good at it all, but in his real fights he was totally focused and economical in his moves. Most of his fights lasted just a few seconds.

When communicating, persuading or seducing you should also use just what is necessary and achieve the goal with as few moves as possible.