Archive for the ‘Attraction’ Category

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Being cool

Friday, April 24th, 2009

376591423_c0b3889fc6Sometimes, we expect or even fall in love with the characters that people play and forget that they’re also real people. Popular culture makes us view people by such high standards, always free of trouble and cool all the time. Invariably, we become attracted to that image even though no one is really like that.

For the same reasons, clients often fall in love with escorts. Fans fall in love with their famous idols. They see them when they’re perfect, well dressed, and focused on doing whatever is it they do very well. They dosn’t meet those same idols when they are in the supermarket, having a bad day, or with a bad case of PMS.

It’s much like falling in love with Batman, there is no link to reality. Especially because at the end of the day, Batman is just Bruce Wayne. No one ever sees Batman washing the Batmobile or going to Jiffy Lube for an oil change. In movies, they’re never doing maintenance, they’re only ever enjoying.

Similarly, people who study sexual behavior in the last three or four decades have noticed how porn has been changing the expectations people have about sex. In the past, we expected a more romantic sexual experience.  Now, because of the availability of porn, most of the population expects the other person to perform like a porn star. Because very few people can do it, expectations often come crashing down.

Relationships: easy to get into, hard to maintain. Why are they so hard to maintain? Because it’s hard to keep up the lie. ’Cause you can’t get nobody being you. You got to lie to get somebody. You can’t get nobody looking like you look, acting like you act… sounding like you sound. When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative. – Chris Rock

We should recognize whether we’re meeting with the person or their representative. If you’re going to put forth any kind of image, you should keep in mind that the image is tarnishable. At some point the person will get to know you for who you really are. If you create a character it tends to lead to disappointment.

However, if you want someone to have a cool image of you, don’t do any maintenance in front of them. Make this policy part of who you are, not just something you do. Reserve time for yourself, time alone, and do all the maintenance during that time.

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One Night Stands vs Ideal Timing

Thursday, April 23rd, 2009

timing21Typically when a man is going to a bar or a club looking for a woman, his ultimate goal is sex. He’s looking for a one night stand, which also means he’s in a hurry. As with anything done in a hurry, this rarely works out well for him.

Consequently, much of the gaming technology is targeted at this man. While gaming schools of thought don’t always directly promote a one night stand, they are all about attracting women, creating trust and seducing. Many men take this information and apply it in the quest for a one night stand.

Even after applying this technology, the rate of success for this method is very low.  Making sex your main goal in relationships is similar to making money your main goal in business. You will almost never get it. The main goal in business should be excellence, and money comes as a consequence of that excellence. Similarly, if the main goal in relationships is excellence, sex will be one of the natural results.

I developed my online game much more, much earlier, than my social skills. I even became an expert in the techniques used to meet someone in person after you initially met online. This is considered a warm approach (As opposed to a cold approach in a club: talking to someone you have never met before, usually intoxicated and in a loud environment. Clearly a much more difficult method.) When meeting someone you’ve met online, you’ve spent some amount of time getting to know them, so you enter into the interaction with some level of trust and a more elaborate context.

Of all of my relationships online in the last few years, most developed over time. It never took more than six months, and was usually within the two weeks to two months range. I’ve observed that in some cases, when meeting someone you met online, you might have sex the same day, but it’s very rare. Sometimes it might be the second or third meeting, and other times it could be weeks or months later.

Another important factor about meeting people online is simply that you can have a lot of relationships online at the same time. There’s generally a minor time requirement when emailing back and forth occasionally. It’s similar to owning a farm and growing several different crops, you can harvest them at different times throughout the year, but there’s always something growing.

I propose that instead of seeking one night stands, it’s better to develop ideal timing. Instead of running an agenda based on your own interests, figure out how much time will she take to develop the proper amount of trust and security, learn to read her emotional states correctly and define the timing based on her, not on you? This method has a much greater rate of success  than basing your agenda on yourself and your need for instant gratification.

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Age gaps

Friday, April 17th, 2009

oldmanwithyoungwomanI find it interesting that while many people agree that generally speaking, the man in a relationship should be “older” than the female, there is still such distaste for larger age disparities in relationships. Strangely enough, there are even rules about how to calculate the age that is “too old” or “too young” for you (the “half-your-age-plus-seven” rule).

Many younger women who seek relationships with older men are referred to as “gold-diggers,” by their critics. Clearly, the only thing attracting a younger woman to an older man is his money, right?

On the other hand, a young man lusting after an older woman is considered normal (the hot teacher fantasy). In fact, he would probably receive a pat on the back from his friends for accomplishing such a thing.

A large number of younger women will note that men their own age are often far less mature than they are. Women are also notably more attracted to powerful men, and younger men simply haven’t had the time to grow up and earn the same type of respect and power that an older man has. Combine that with the fact that older men are much more well-mannered, experienced and dependable, it’s easy to see why women are attracted to men ten or twenty years their senior.

This type of relationship holds the most appeal for both parties involved. The older men get the companionship of a younger woman who is all to ready to pamper him. Younger women get the attentions and affections of attractive, older and powerful men.

For many the word “daddy” conjures images of family, and, therefore, when used in romantic relationships, of incest. In fact, the phrase “sugar daddy” was coined specifically to inspire these kinds of thoughts. A younger woman simply should NOT desire the affections of a man old enough to be her father.

But the truth is, many women DO look for the characteristics of a good father wheen seeking out a mate. They typically want someone who they see as a “father figure” (or at least who has the potential to be one to their future children). Generally speaking, the characteristics of a good father are also the characteristics of a good boyfriend or husband.

So why is it that seeking out someone who acts like a father is less taboo than seeking out someone who looks like a father? Why is it somehow more incestuous to call a man “daddy” than to have him act like a father to you? Don’t, in fact, most new mothers refer to their husbands as “daddy” once they’ve had children?

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Wolves vs Spiders

Saturday, March 28th, 2009

grey-wolf-snowjpgWolves:

Wolves will eat almost anything they can catch. They usually hunt in packs but sometimes might be on their own. Wolves hunt at any time day or night. Wolves hunt when they are hungry but if they are not successful they can go without food for many days and even weeks. Some wolves are not in packs, these wolves are called lone wolves. They hunt by themselves while wandering around. At some point the lone wolf might join another lone wolf and form its own pack to hunt with. After finding and choosing a particular prey, they move in on it from the opposite direction the wind is blowing. This prevents the prey from smelling the wolves coming, becoming alert, then running away. The wolves will quietly close in on the prey, sometimes in single file. Soon they will break into a run and the chase begins. Wolf hunts can last only a few minutes or as long as a few hours or more. If the hunt is not successful the wolves will continue on searching for new prey, maybe one that is weaker, providing an easier kill.

That so reminds me of guys storming the bars and clubs in packs, cold approaching, peacocking, chasing their prey for miles, sometimes getting some, sometimes starving for long periods of time. For me the most visible part of it is that they walk and move a lot to do it.

spider-main_fulljpgSpiders:

During the process of making a web, the spider will use its own body for measurements, a very practical and ergonomic design feature of any web. This will allow the spider to move quickly around its own web with very few faults. After the spider has completed its web, it will sit and wait. If the web is broken without any major structural damage, the spider does not make any initial attempts to rectify the problem. Webs allow a spider to catch prey without having to expend energy by running it down. Thus it is an efficient method of gathering food. However, constructing the web is in itself an energetically costly process due to the large amount of protein required, in the form of silk. The spider, after spinning its web, will then wait on or near the web for a prey animal to become trapped. The spider senses the impact and struggle of a prey animal by vibrations transmitted along the web lines. Spiders do not usually adhere to their own webs. However, they are not immune to their own glue. Some of the strands of the web are sticky, and others are not. For example, if a spider has chosen to wait along the outer edges of its web, it may spin a non-sticky prey or signal line to the web hub to monitor web movement. Spiders have to be careful to climb only on the non-sticky strands of their webs. A spider positioned in the middle of the web makes for a highly visible prey for birds and other predators. Many spiders reduce this risk by hiding at the edge of the web with one foot on a signal line from the hub or by appearing to be inedible or unappetizing.

Many people act like spiders. They lay out their web (parties, clubs, pads, businesses) carefully and tend to the upkeep of their webs (maintenance) while sensing the presence of any prey on it. When the prey is ensnarled on it the spider moves to catch it, and then moves back to it’s apparently static post on the edge, waiting for the next opportunity.

Which one is you?

One would rarely choose one style in total exclusion of the other, but we tend choose the method that is more congenial to our personalities.

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When there is no attraction

Monday, March 23rd, 2009

What if a woman is definitely not interested in my lifestyle?

This is so much about pre-qualifying! Naturally there are many women out there that I admire, that I find sexy, smart, talented, wonderful and desirable and our lives will never share the same path.

The secret is understand and accept that you can’t have everyone. Wanting to attract or seduce everyone is immature. Suffering for not being able to attract of seduce someone in particular is in general a reaction that comes from believing in scarcity, believing there are not enough great prospects out there.

Now, what do I do with a sexy, smart, talented, wonderful and desirable woman that I will not have an intimate relationship with? I value and keep our friendship.

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What if I want someone specific?

Monday, February 16th, 2009

First of all I want to shamelessly quote from FastSeduction FAQ:

Q: “There’s this one woman (I’ve been chasing for X days/months/years)… how do I get her to [like / love / sleep with me]?”

A: This is called “one-itis”. An AFC who doesn’t realize he’s an AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) will never understand why nobody can answer this question for him or why he will never be able to get this woman with his current mindset. First, you have to realize that if you’re thinking this way, you will always be an AFC and will almost always fail with women (you’re only sucesses coming from luck – hence, the term “getting lucky” which is used often by AFC types). Here’s why you can’t win over this woman: you don’t yet know how to go out and get 10 more desirable women in a short amount of time. If you DID know how to do that, you would not be obsessed with getting this one woman and you would already know how to answer your own question. Why? Think about it. If you could go out and have 10 (or more) women who are smarter, nicer, more beautiful, and more exciting than the one you are obsessing about, how important do you think she would be to you? You see, you can’t just go from being an AFC to PUA (Pick-up Artist) without a certain understanding. You have to first admit to yourself that you’re an AFC and get into recovery mode, becoming an RAFC (Recovering AFC). Learn to stop thinking like an AFC and the road to becoming a PUA will be clear. Once that road is clear, you will begin to understand the answer to this question. The reason this question is so difficult for an AFC to grasp is that truly understanding the answer is an epiphany.

[jetman coined one-itis, one of the most problematic symptoms of AFCs]

I faced this exact dilemma once more recently. Don’t read me wrong: I got rid of one-itis a long time ago, but occasionally a new girl comes along who is so far above average, with such high value to me, that I may have a relapse. So this time it was with a girl that off my list of most desirable characteristics a woman can have, a list with some 16 items on it she checked on just about… 14! That was way too close to my definition of an ideal woman for me, but she wasn’t as interested in me as I was interested in her. The result: I had for two days a case of one-itis! Here is the solution I found:

By the end of the second day I called another girl that I have been seeing for more than a year. She is a very good friend, one of the true sexually submissive women that I have found, and very fun to talk to and be with. So I arranged to meet with her at my place and we had a great session of sex, drinks, and fun talk, in that exact order. Then I got a Montecristo and a bottle of Malbec and went to the rooftop of my building. It was about 45 degrees outside and by the end of it I was shaking with cold, but didn’t stop until the end. I smoked the entire cigar and drank all the wine while saying outlout every little think, no matter how small or overlooked, that I didn’t like about her. In the middle I added phrases like “She is a Troyan Horse, sent to screw up my mind.”, and “She is very good, but there are others out there that are even better.” and other phrases to help me get a grip of myself.

Talking aloud makes your uncontious mind listen to it. I asked myself what would Style do? What would Joshua do if he was in my place? What would DeAngelo do? I questioned my motivations, I questioned her age (an important factor for me), and I questioned the wisdom of getting involved with someone that lives right on the other side of the country.

After all that I smelled like a cigar bar, was drunk, and literally felt the previously uncontrollable desire for her drained out of my body. She became a normal human being in my eyes and I could then see her problems, as well as her virtues, not through the goggles of passion but for what it is really worth.

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What if the person notices you are using NLP?

Sunday, February 8th, 2009

It doesn’t really matter, as long as you are congruent.

NLP still works even if the person knows NLP and knows you are using it.

Humans don’t have any natural defense that stops NLP from working on them. NLP was specific designed to go around human’s resistance and defenses.

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How effective is NLP?

Saturday, February 7th, 2009

When you start using it in daily life you start feeling the difference in the responses you get and your own level of self confidence. It ’s subjective to some point, but easy to notice.

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Sources of information about NLP

Friday, February 6th, 2009

The book Introducing NLP, by Joseph O’Connor & John Seymour is a very good place to start. I also learned some of it from Marshall Sylver, Joel Bauer, Anthony Robbins, and others.

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Why not use NLP to build rapport faster?

Thursday, February 5th, 2009

With Joshua I learned that NLP is fine during approach and during seduction, but when you are building rapport with someone that is a better time to drop your guard but also drop your guns. It seems rapport building is the time to connect heart to heart and and be a friend first, time for utmost sincerity. I agree with it and have been using less NLP and relaxing more during that phase.

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