It doesn’t really matter, as long as you are congruent.
NLP still works even if the person knows NLP and knows you are using it.
Humans don’t have any natural defense that stops NLP from working on them. NLP was specific designed to go around human’s resistance and defenses.
When you start using it in daily life you start feeling the difference in the responses you get and your own level of self confidence. It ‘s subjective to some point, but easy to notice.
The book Introducing NLP, by Joseph O’Connor & John Seymour is a very good place to start. I also learned some of it from Marshall Sylver, Joel Bauer, Anthony Robbins, and others.
With Joshua I learned that NLP is fine during approach and during seduction, but when you are building rapport with someone that is a better time to drop your guard and also drop your guns. It seems rapport building is the time to connect heart to heart and and be vulnerable, time for utmost sincerity.
NLP brings efficiency to interpersonal communication. You can get your ideas through a lot faster and more efficiently. You can rapidly and easily establish a connection with others. Increase communication effectiveness by developing your ability to see, hear, and respond to subtle cues given by others. You can build motivation in yourself and others. Access states of mind or emotion that will be the most useful to you in any given situation. Be more confident and creative in conversations, presentations, and relationships (business or personal). You can also program positive behaviors, self-confidence, and thoughts directly in to your future.
Use NLP anytime you want to attract, persuade or seduce faster.
The quality of our lives depends directly on the quality of our communication. Communication with others as well as the communication with ourselves. There are some words that are very important in our communication which we should pay a lot attention.
You will not use these words by accident. You only use them by design, with a purpose in mind. Take control of these words and your communication will improve substantially:
The word try suggests failure or insincerity. Say that you will try to do something is not the same as saying you will do something. If you say that you will try something and you end up failing, you can always say “at least I tried!”
Get rid of this word! And when someone tells you they will try to do what you want, you can practically know that it will not happen. For example: If a friend says that he will try to send you a report that you need on Monday, you can overcome this lack of definition – “I know that you are really busy and that Monday may not be possible. Can we set-up for you to deliver this report on Tuesday, for sure?” – Once you surround the person and obtain the commitment by having him switch “try” for “for sure” the chances you will see the result are much higher.
Replace the word “try” for “for sure” in your conversations and in other peoples’.
Wrong: I will try to call you back today.
Right: I will most definitely call you back today.
Wrong: I will try to get an A on my next exam.
Right: I will get an A on my next exam for sure.
Using the words “for sure” makes you commit, and does not let space for any doubt.
Another set of words to take out of your vocabulary are the words “I can’t”. Because this always means one of two things: “I don’t know how” or “I don’t want to”.
If I say “I can’t” to myself I immediately ask if I do not know how to do it or if I don’t want to make any effort to do it. If it is the first case I certainly try to learn, and if it is the second I abandon the idea and don’t feel guilt about it.
Remove these words from your conversation and when someone tells you that, find out if this person doesn’t know how to do what she is asked, and in this case you can help by teaching her, or if she doesn’t want to do it you can may to convince her to do it or find someone else who will.
This word has a hidden meaning that you need to avoid. It means a negative. When someone uses the word “but” you can eliminate whatever comes before it in the phrase. For example, if someone says:
I like to be with you, but I do not have time to be here frequently.
The truth is:
I do not have time to be here frequently.
When someone says:
I want to be rich, but building wealth takes a lot of work.
What was actually said was:
Building wealth takes a lot of work.
In each place you use the word “but” you could use “and” and your attitude would be profoundly changed:
I like to be with you and I do not have time to come here frequently.
I want to be rich and building wealth takes a lot of work.
This verb shows indecision, and should be replaced by “know”. Look:
Undecided: I hope to finish this project until the end of the year.
Decided: I know I’ll finish this project until the end of the year.
Undecided: I hope to take all the right decisions.
Decided: I know I will take all the right decisions.
This word always shows lack of decision and could be replaced by “when”. The progress is dramatic. See how it changes:
Weak:
If I sell this product…
If I show you how this works…
You will be satisfied if you go on a dinner date with me…
You will make a lot of money if you give me this opportunity…
Now determined:
When I sell this product…
When I show you how this works…
You will be pleased when you go on a dinner date with me…
You will make a lot of money when you give me this opportunity…
Have you noticed how people treat you better when you smile? If someone asks how you are doing, always say “Excellent!”, and notice how you will be treated better!
Always use your best outfits. Do not dress up only for special occasions, dress up to make an occasion special. When you see a happy, well-dressed person with a confident talk and the certainty of winning, you would like to do business with her. I doubt you would rather to deal with the low-life behind the stand.
This attitude will also make you more attractive because you will attract other people like you. Because it is always more fun to be in the presence of winners than in the presence of losers.
If someone asks how you are doing, even if you are going thru the worst day ever and everything is going wrong, at least set your mind in the right direction saying: “I am getting better!”. In most situations what you answer may not make any difference to the listener, but it makes a great difference to you. You are not only talking to others, but also to yourself.