Archive for the ‘How To’ Category

You need a practice field

Tuesday, February 10th, 2009

You need to set up the field to practice.

If you want to learn how to approach or interact with women for example you must set up situations, or go to places, or join clubs where you will be interacting with women. Ideally do so in a way that you can interact without an obvious agenda, so speed dating and other dating situations are out. I don’t like clubs for that either.

Training is a great environment:

If you live at or near the beach join some massage classes. Those are usually months-long courses full of interesting women that you will be interacting with, and massaging, for extended periods of time. If not that find some other courses populated mostly by women in your city.

Be the recruiter:

Find something you need help for. Or perhaps a friend is looking for someone to hire. Maybe you are about to hire a new secretary, or you would like to find an event organizer to put together your next birthday party, or you want to hire someone to take care of your pets while you travel. Find something real and congruent with your real life. Because if a really good candidate comes in you want to give her a real job! Then post hiring ads and you do the interviews. You will be talking to dozens, or hundreds or women and every time you post a new ad you will be learning to narrow down the selection process more efficiently, and the interaction is really great.

Get a hobby:

Get yourself a hobby that attracts the type of women you want to have around. I like very attractive women that are sexually liberated and a bit (sometimes more than a bit) on the kinky side. So I became a photographer. For less than it would cost me a dozen of expensive dinners in blind dates, I got professional photography equipment including lights, professional camera, books on how to do it, and props. Sometimes I advertise (for free) looking for models and in doing so I have found a few pretty interesting women that I dated or had fun with. But the most interesting is that it created another way to interact with women that I have met for any other reason. I have photographed my friends and their friends, and learned a lot about how to interact, direct, and entertain women using photography as the context. The results are magic!

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How to use mentors

Monday, February 9th, 2009

First of all read their books, listen to their CDs and podcasts, watch their seminars. In many cases you will find out that is enough for you. If you still feel that you should talk to them in person have a clear idea of what is it that you want to find out and send them an email, find out their phone number, and ask! It’s surprising how often it works because one of the reasons they are successful is exactly because they are possible to approach and willing to teach, if you are really willing to learn.

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Words you shouldn’t use

Tuesday, January 27th, 2009

The quality of our lives depends directly on the quality of our communication. Communication with others as well as the communication with ourselves. There are some words that are very important in our communication which we should pay a lot attention.

Try

The word try suggests failure or insincerity. Say that you will try to do something is not the same as saying you will do something. If you say that you will try something and you end up failing, you can always say “at least I tried!”

Get rid of this word! And when someone tells you they will try to do what you want, you can practically know that it will not happen. For example: If a friend says that he will try to send you a report that you need on Monday, you can overcome this lack of definition – “I know that you are really busy and that Monday may not be possible. Can we set-up for you to deliver this report on Tuesday, for sure?” – Once you surround the person and obtain the commitment by having him switch “try” for “for sure” the chances you will see the result are much higher.

Replace the word “try” for “for sure” in your conversations and in other peoples’.

Wrong: I will try to call you back today.

Right: I will most definitely call you back today.

Wrong: I will try to get an A on my next exam.

Right: I will get an A on my next exam for sure.

Using the words “for sure” makes you commit, and does not let space for any doubt.

I can’t

Another set of words to take out of your vocabulary are the words “I can’t”. Because this always means one of two things: “I don’t know how” or “I don’t want to”.

If I say “I can’t” to myself I immediately ask if I do not know how to do it or if I don’t want to make any effort to do it. If it is the first case I certainly try to learn, and if it is the second I abandon the idea and don’t feel guilt about it.

Remove these words from your conversation and when someone tells you that, find out if this person doesn’t know how to do what she is asked, and in this case you can help by teaching her, or if she doesn’t want to do it you can may to convince her to do it or find someone else who will.

But

This word has a hidden meaning that you need to avoid. It means a negative. When someone uses the word “but” you can eliminate whatever comes before it in the phrase. For example, if someone says:

I like to be with you, but I do not have time to be here frequently.

The truth is:

I do not have time to be here frequently.

When someone says:

I want to be rich, but building wealth takes a lot of work.

What was actually said was:

Building wealth takes a lot of work.

In each place you use the word “but” you could use “and” and your attitude would be profoundly changed:

I like to be with you and I do not have time to come here frequently.

I want to be rich and building wealth takes a lot of work.

I hope

This verb shows indecision, and should be replaced by “know”. Look:

Undecided: I hope to finish this project until the end of the year.

Decided: I know I’ll finish this project until the end of the year.

Undecided: I hope to take all the right decisions.

Decided: I know I will take all the right decisions.

If

This word always shows lack of decision and could be replaced by “when”. The progress is dramatic. See how it changes:

Weak:

If I sell this product…

If I show you how this works…

You will be satisfied if you go on a dinner date with me…

You will make a lot of money if you give me this opportunity…

Now determined:

When I sell this product…

When I show you how this works…

You will be pleased when you go on a dinner date with me…

You will make a lot of money when you give me this opportunity…

Problem

I avoid using the word “problem” in my conversations. Instead of asking someone “what’s the problem?” I say “what is the challenge?”. I do that because “problem” has a bad connotation, like an obstacle, something that keeps us from going further. Meanwhile, the word “challenge” invites us to go over it, around or thru it. Challenges invite us to action.

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Display a positive status

Monday, January 26th, 2009

Have you noticed how people treat you better when you smile? If someone asks how you are doing, always say “Excellent!”, and notice how you will be treated better!

Always use your best outfits. Do not dress up only for special occasions, dress up to make an occasion special. When you see a happy, well-dressed person with a confident talk and the certainty of winning, you would like to do business with her. I doubt you would rather to deal with the low-life behind the stand.

This attitude will also make you more attractive because you will attract other people like you. Because it is always more fun to be in the presence of winners than in the presence of losers.

If someone asks how you are doing, even if you are going thru the worst day ever and everything is going wrong, at least set your mind in the right direction saying: “I am getting better!”. In most situations what you answer may not make any difference to the listener, but it makes a great difference to you. You are not only talking to others, but also to yourself.

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Become a better communicator

Sunday, January 25th, 2009

Successful people are in general excelent communicators. Politicians, businessmen, artists, investors. The great majority of them are experts in inspiring people to follow them and to agree with them.

The majority of people are afraid to speak in public. Matter of fact is that this is one of the main fears that holds people from achieving professional success, developing new relationships, and closing more deals. You must improve in order to be able to convince people go towards the direction you want to go.

Efficient communicators also take total responsibility for being understood. You will never hear a successful person saying: “You just don’t understand me!”. Good communicators certify themselves that they are being understood, and when that doesn’t happen, they take care of being clearer!

95% of people are conducted by only 5% of people. This happens because this minority has leadership and view. When you have a clear view of where you want to go, it is very easy to convince people to go with you.

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