Archive for the ‘Khaos Practice’ Category

The paradox of loving Eden

Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

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“I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty now that they’re gone. I guess I just miss my friend.” – Red in The Shawshank Redemption

I can’t talk to her. Her open mindness is mind boggling, and paradoxically her prejudices are just as impressive. She is smart as an old priest. She can talk her way out of a submarine. She will dazzle you with her knowledge of everything and will leave you for days digesting what you just found out about yourself when you met her, like a python would take its time digesting a big animal, slowly and painfully.

Eden would be the most comfortable at a gala party, the night of the Oscars, or some other party where everyone looks perfect and she would look the best, be the best and all people would gravitate around her. Eden would be perfectly comfortable living in a mud hut in the middle of Africa, with no running water, and predators roaming around at night. She would be competent and defend herself and those around her, and they would also gravitate around her. However it is difficult to locate her between those two ends of the spectrum.

Place a big world map on the wall and throw a dart at it with your eyes closed. You have one chance in three of hitting a country where she is at the moment or will be in the next year or so. She talks more languages than I can count and she can say anything she wants without saying a word. She could be a tour guide anywhere. However it is impossible to figure out her zip code to send a damn postcard.

I can only take Eden in small doses. She has too much that irritates me; too much that I love; too much that I want; too much that I wish everyone had. We will keep seeing each other every few months for just a few days because it seems we are always traveling in different directions. We lived in Miami, never at the same time. We go to Los Angeles, one then the other. We love visiting Europe, she did many times already, I am still about to go. She has been in Brazil, after I left. We rarely met because we were so different, and in the future will rarely find each other because we are becoming more alike.

It took me a minute to fall in love with her. Two hours, two cigars, and a bottle of red in a rooftop to remind myself that while loving Eden makes all sense, falling in love with her would be a disaster.

Eden, it hurts so much when we are together and never very close to each other. And I know I already miss you so much when you are far away and we are just one, and the same.

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Bridget – 2: Sex a  la carte

Friday, March 13th, 2009

One night after a particularly rough sex section, we were talking about fantasies and how we liked sex in creative and advanced ways, and we began listing things we have done and things we would like to do. She had a notepad and a pen near her bed. She took it and began a list. First e made a list of all things sexual we have done already. Our lists made a bout a page each and we not too dissimilar. But when we started listing what we haven’t tried yet that list was long! We tried to remember everything we ever saw in movies, ever heard of from friends and acquaintances, and anything else that came to mind that night. The only limits we set were “no kids, no animals, and safe sex”. We listed both things we have never experienced and thought we would like, and also things we didn’t experience and were not sure at all if we would like. We crossed out things we were absolutely sure we didn’t want to try, so I had an opportunity to cross out “having sex with another man”, and we crossed out most, but not all, of the more extreme kinky stuff that sounded totally disgusting for both of us.

At this point the question was already in the air and someone had to say it, so I said it first:

“Let’s try it all!”

“Twice.” – she replied. – “Because to be sure you don’t like something you need to try at least twice.”

It was like laying out the menu of all (not all but most) the sexual practices known to us and deciding to try everything that we could handle. The intention was to find out where were the limits of our personal interests and tolerances.

During the next 6 weeks we had slow romantic sex and very rough sex, tried all types of things in BDSM, had sex in public places, got caught doing it. We had sex in front of other people and watched others doing it. Had threesomes with other girls and other men as well. We had sex together, over the phone, with and without clothes. We went to swinger clubs, kinky clubs, peep shows, strip clubs, and spent hundreds of dollars at the sex shops buying all sorts of toys and novelties, and we tried them all. We had sex at home, restaurants, our cars, public parks, clubs, other people’s homes, dungeons, abandoned buildings, roadside gas stations, rooftops, elevators, balconies, cheap motels, libraries, tents, a jacuzzi, the bathtub, the kitchen, and a toolshed.

When we liked something we marked it done. When we didn’t like it we tried it again, then marked it done. It was exhausting and was only possible because our thirst for knowledge and our curiosity were larger than our physical exhaustion and the logistical challenges we faced.

The result is that we pretty much “mapped” the territory of our sexual interests, and in doing so we discovered the latitude of our interests was significantly bigger than we thought before. In my feelings Bridget was like my soul mate, the one who was my partner in a journey of self discovery that, even though individual in nature, took a partner to make it possible. What a privilege it was to have such good company along the way. She was sexy, understanding, patient, enthusiastic, and friendly at all times. Even though our lives just crossed paths for that short period, I can definitely say it was one of the best times of my life, and I know whoever is at her side today must be a very happy man (or woman).

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Bridget – 1: Meeting an old friend

Thursday, March 12th, 2009
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Linda Fiorentino as Bridget Gregory

I first met her some 20 years ago, and some seven thousand miles away. I used to have lunch at the restaurant of her family. Saw her just a few times but didn’t pay much attention at the time. She was an odd looking little girl and her sister was a hot chick that sucked up all my attention while I was there having lunch every working day.

But during the winter of 1999/2000 I was online on ICQ looking for someone and I found her! It was so much fun as we remembered and connected right away. It was also a great coincidence as she was now living just 40 miles away. We set to get together the next day for dinner in her town.

Now she was a psychiatrist, she was older, and she was cute. Very cute!

We talked for hours, had too much wine, and she insisted I stayed over so I wouldn’t drive home drunk. She had a point. I slept on her sofa that night and that was it. The next afternoon she called me and invited again. This time I drove straight to her place and had with me two bottles of wine. She was waiting with a light dinner ready. After dinner we went to the living room to watch TV and talk some more.

Looking back I can tell I was feeling very confident. At some point when she was walking back from the kitchen with a new bottle of wine I took the bottle from her hand, threw her on the couch, and in a moment I was on top of her, looking at her in the eyes just an inch away. She showed some last minute resistance (LMR) protesting that was not a good idea, that we should be just friends, etc. I still didn’t know this part but instinctively I did it right: Instead of paying attention to what she said, I looked at what she was doing: She wasn’t moving away at all, she was looking at me in a sexy way, she was ready (I definitely was ready myself), so we kissed and had sex for the first time.

Our affair was about 2 months long, but it was one of my most intense experiences ever.

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Paige – 1: The doctor

Tuesday, March 10th, 2009
Kelly Macdonald as Paige Marshall

Kelly Macdonald as Paige Marshall

The year was 1998. At that time ICQ was a popular application and I used it to make new friends, to communicate with people in other countries, to find dates. I can’t remember now if I found her using one of the search tools on it, or if she found me somehow.

Paige is a doctor, a well known specialist in her field of practice. She was coming to my town in a few weeks to speak at a medical conference and during those weeks we went from unknown to long-time lovers online. We talked about our lives, dreams, and our sexual desires. We had phone sex several times and by the end of a few weeks she changed her travel plans to stay with me for 3 days.

When we actually met the sex between us was fabulous. She was the first woman that I met that really enjoyed being openly submissive sexually and with her I discovered that I really enjoy being dominant. I fantasized about it before, but never experienced it for real. The impact on my sexual satisfaction and self-confidence was tremendous.

For the first time I had in my hands a strong woman, successful, free, rich and independent, that was secure and uninhibited enough to surrender completely to the experience. Of course it was only possible because during those several weeks before we developed amazing rapport. She was there by choice, not for the lack of it. The aphrodisiac of curiosity brought her in, not deception. I learned that her submission was not taken, because it can’t be taken: It was a gift, one of the most wonderful gifts a loving person can give to another.

For the first time I also felt the tremendous responsibility you have when a loving person is totally vulnerable for you. I realized that I could never hurt her by being malicious, but I could also hurt her if I was clumsy or careless. When a person is tied up os submitting to any form of restraint, discipline, or intense sensual stimulation, it is very easy to make a mistake or have an accident. Just the simple act of getting up or sitting down can become a dangerous stunt when you have your hands tied behind you.

We met several times for periods that varied from a couple of days to a week at a time, and after these years we are still very good friends.

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Roxanne – 2: Cat hair, and the virtue of patience

Friday, January 16th, 2009

We met for a cup of coffee or drinks two or three times. The third time or right after that I called and was going to pick her up after work. This time I went on my motorcycle. When she was on the bike and ready to go I remembered to say “You can hold anywhere you want… except on the bike.”

Took her to a beautiful ride across the country side Northwest of Boston, then to a Mexican restaurant where we had some margaritas, then to my house.

I didn’t know at the time that she is allergic to cat hair and when she got to my place she didn’t feel well after a few minutes there. Even though the house was very clean and the cat was not around us it was still enough for her to feel her allergy bothering her. At this point we were already kissing and teasing each other quite a bit and interrupting was not a pleasant thought, but I thought “patience pays” and offered to take her home.

The next day I picked her up again and promised to take her to a place where there would be no cat hair and her allergy wouldn’t bother. To her surprise I drove us back to my house! However this time the cat was locked in the garage, I vacuum cleaned the entire house, bought an air cleaner, used sprays and changed all the linens, all pillow covers, and even the curtains have been scrubbed. The house was spotless.

This time nothing stopped us from having a really great time.

Some day later she told me that when she felt bad the first time and I offered to take her home, and didn’t show disappointment, or more important, didn’t pressure her into staying like many guys would do, she felt really good about that. She saw I knew what I wanted and I didn’t hide it from her, but at the same time she saw I was not in a hurry and would not act like a neanderthal.

Patience pays.

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Roxanne – 1: First impressions

Thursday, January 15th, 2009
Roxanne Kowalski

Daryl Hannah as Roxanne Kowalki

We used to work at the same building in Cambridge. At first we just used to talk a bit in the cafeteria, I would joke and tease her a little bit, but she was never interested enough in me to be interested in anything else. Actually, in conversations later on she told me that at that time she wasn’t attracted to me at all.

I didn’t like her hair too much at the time, but what a beautiful body! At just 5′6″ and 120lbs she was really stunning, and have I had the chance at the time I would have had sex with her at the time.

She left the company later on and I didn’t see, or talk to her, for about a year.

Then one day I was erasing old phone numbers from my cell phone and found hers. Decided to call and she was friendly on the phone, remembered be, and we spoke for a little while. I invited her for a coffee in town and she said yes. Game was on…

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Helen – 3: What I like about her

Saturday, January 10th, 2009

She is such an interesting woman. Well on her thirties, she has plenty of work experience, a successful career, great looks, and an attitude that I call “one percenter”.

I like women that when I introduce them to my friends I can feel proud they will admire and desire them. I like women that can surprise me and do things that I don’t expect and didn’t think of myself. She tells me of movies that I see and love them. She pointed me to web sites that I considered brilliant. She does that. She can surprise me.

I like women that love women, and she is very much into girls. Actually most of her relationships were with other women, not with men.

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Helen – 2: Patience pays

Friday, January 9th, 2009

We were spending three days together. She was staying at a hotel in the city but we were together all day. We had fun, went out every day for great meals and back to my place for fabulous conversations. I paid close attention to my body language and escalated kino very well.

However, the first night when I began turning the interaction clearly sexual, holding her hair and touching the back of her head, she was uncomfortable and I stepped back. She gave me an explanation of why she was still not at ease, trusting me in many ways definitely, but not wanting to escalate it into a sexual situation. The explanation was much longer than necessary and that suggested to me that she was divided. I reacted cool and with good humor and later took her back to her hotel.

I thought “Patience pays. Tomorrow I can develop more trust and tease her even more, and we will cross that line.”

The second night was similar. We watched movies, took sexy photographs, she licked ice cream out of my fingers in tremendously sexy ways. But still, it was sexy and hot but when it reached the point that I was really kissing her she resisted again. We had a very nice conversation about her concerns and what made her hesitate. I had in my mind what DeAngelo says about attraction not being a choice and thought again that ”Patience pays. Tomorrow I can develop more trust and tease her even more, and we will cross that line.”

The third and last day I though I should use some leverage. A very strong dose of social proof was in order. I set up a dinner with her, Roxanne and Amanda, at a very nice lounge in one of the best hotels in Boston. I calculated that she and Roxanne would like each other immediately and I was right. Amanda being there would not hurt either. After a few drinks and some conversation they were best friends. One hour later the three girls were french kissing each other, and another half hour later they were going together to the bathroom. Every time they came back Helen would kiss me and tell that the peculiar taste in her mouth was the other girl’s pussy juices. I knew that was going in the right direction…

Driving back to her hotel, again she gave me the same excuses why she wouldn’t go back to my place while I was slightly rubbing my finger against the fabric of her panties (she had a dress that night) and she was horny as hell. I thought of what I learned from Kat Williams in his comedy presentations “Sometimes you have to fuck what she says, just pay attention at what she does” so I teased her even more. A minute later she unbuckled her seat belt, told me to pay attention to the road, and began giving me one of the best road heads I ever got.

We got to her hotel, she was taking her clothes off on the way between the reception and her room. She invited me in and we got comfortable. Then again, after she danced for me a little bit and I took a quick shower because I felt I was sweaty and I don’t like it, she seemed to lose momentum and once more the very same objections and doubts came back. This time I thought of Mistery and what he says about last minute resistance and I told her it was all right and didn’t make a big deal out of it. She slept in my arms.

I woke up first and we were spooning, she was comfortably sleeping with her head in my arm. I brought my free hand under the covers and just placed it over her breast. She was waking up. I gently kissed the back of her neck and behind her ear sometimes while I played lightly with her nipple. As she began making very light noises and reacting positively to it I escalated my touches, finding how she reacted to each way I played with her nipples.

Playing with her breasts moved to kissing her belly, to removing her panties, and I began eating her out. I used everything I know and very soon she was moaning very loud, grabbing my hair, pinching her own nipples, and damn near decapitating me with those strong legs she uses to run marathons sometimes.

I made sure she had a very strong, mind boggling orgasm. She couldn’t think clearly after that. She couldn’t put her clothes back on right after that. I had to drive her to the airport.

Arriving at the airport she gave me a long, sweet, tender kiss and thanked me for everything, specially for what happened in the morning, and promised to come back to me and Roxanne.

Patience pays.

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Helen – 1: First impressions

Thursday, January 8th, 2009
Helen Tasker in True Lies

Jamie Lee Curtis as Helen Tasker

She found me online and I was impressed from the get go. Very smart woman, accomplished, visited many states, she has also been to several countries. I was not exactly impressed with her trips if not for the fact she travelled a lot more than I did.

She was a professional model in Europe, Japan, and all over the USA. Featured in the cover of magazines, movies and musicals. Now she is a producer for world-class magazines, and has been participating in the production of several movies.

In every message and every phone call I also got the impression that she is a very sexy woman. Experienced and very very sexy. One day she decided to come see me in New England and when we met I thought she looked fine as I expected, was very elegant as her professional career suggested, and had a sense of humor that caught me off guard.

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Disclaimer

Wednesday, January 7th, 2009

The names have been changed to protect the innocent, as well as the guilty.

Actually not just the names. As much as I would like to tell everything exactly as I can recollect, I can’t because telling the real professions, locations, and some other particulars would give away the identity of some of the people portrayed in these stories.

However I made all reasonable efforts to keep each story as close to the facts as I could without compromising anyone’s privacy. I was also sensitive to the fact that most of these relationships are still going and I don’t want to hurt, embarrass, or inconvenience anyone.

When choosing their assumed names I used in every case the name of characters in movies that I think best represent their personalities and attitudes. In every case there are similarities between the real person and the character, regardless of differences in appearance or personal history.

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