Archive for the ‘Qualification’ Category

Tell me something useful…

Sunday, April 19th, 2009

“Hi, my name is Cindy, and I’m 24 years old, and my favorite color is pink.”

Well, cindy4fun24… from your basic profile information, we’ve already been able to gather that information. Do you have anything useful to share?

womancomputerMany people on social networking or dating websites fall into the habit of listing arbitrary information that is supposed to give an idea of who they are. Even if someone did falsely assume that they could get to know you by reading a few short paragraphs of supposed “autobiography,” what good will it do to repeat basic information that is already listed? What good does knowing your favorite color do for me?

Listing information like this is not only a waste of time for the author, but also for the person perusing the profile. Much of this information could be obtained simply by having a conversation with someone. Your favorite color or the TV shows you watch tell very little about who you are, anyway.

Instead of playing it safe by filling the space of an “About Me” section with useless information, people should learn to say things that actually will help them meet people they will be compatible with.

If you’re looking for someone who is a non-smoker… say so. If you need to find someone who is into kinky sex…put that in your profile.

Listing things like this that explain what you’re looking for, or why you’ve created the profile at all, will yield much better results. You will attract people who are truly potential matches, and avoid dealing with people who wouldn’t really interest you.

Wolves vs Spiders

Saturday, March 28th, 2009

grey-wolf-snowjpgWolves:

Wolves will eat almost anything they can catch. They usually hunt in packs but sometimes might be on their own. Wolves hunt at any time day or night. Wolves hunt when they are hungry but if they are not successful they can go without food for many days and even weeks. Some wolves are not in packs, these wolves are called lone wolves. They hunt by themselves while wandering around. At some point the lone wolf might join another lone wolf and form its own pack to hunt with. After finding and choosing a particular prey, they move in on it from the opposite direction the wind is blowing. This prevents the prey from smelling the wolves coming, becoming alert, then running away. The wolves will quietly close in on the prey, sometimes in single file. Soon they will break into a run and the chase begins. Wolf hunts can last only a few minutes or as long as a few hours or more. If the hunt is not successful the wolves will continue on searching for new prey, maybe one that is weaker, providing an easier kill.

That so reminds me of guys storming the bars and clubs in packs, cold approaching, peacocking, chasing their prey for miles, sometimes getting some, sometimes starving for long periods of time. For me the most visible part of it is that they walk and move a lot to do it.

spider-main_fulljpgSpiders:

During the process of making a web, the spider will use its own body for measurements, a very practical and ergonomic design feature of any web. This will allow the spider to move quickly around its own web with very few faults. After the spider has completed its web, it will sit and wait. If the web is broken without any major structural damage, the spider does not make any initial attempts to rectify the problem. Webs allow a spider to catch prey without having to expend energy by running it down. Thus it is an efficient method of gathering food. However, constructing the web is in itself an energetically costly process due to the large amount of protein required, in the form of silk. The spider, after spinning its web, will then wait on or near the web for a prey animal to become trapped. The spider senses the impact and struggle of a prey animal by vibrations transmitted along the web lines. Spiders do not usually adhere to their own webs. However, they are not immune to their own glue. Some of the strands of the web are sticky, and others are not. For example, if a spider has chosen to wait along the outer edges of its web, it may spin a non-sticky prey or signal line to the web hub to monitor web movement. Spiders have to be careful to climb only on the non-sticky strands of their webs. A spider positioned in the middle of the web makes for a highly visible prey for birds and other predators. Many spiders reduce this risk by hiding at the edge of the web with one foot on a signal line from the hub or by appearing to be inedible or unappetizing.

Many people act like spiders. They lay out their web (parties, clubs, pads, businesses) carefully and tend to the upkeep of their webs (maintenance) while sensing the presence of any prey on it. When the prey is ensnarled on it the spider moves to catch it, and then moves back to it’s apparently static post on the edge, waiting for the next opportunity.

Which one is you?

One would rarely choose one style in total exclusion of the other, but we tend choose the method that is more congenial to our personalities.

When there is no attraction

Monday, March 23rd, 2009

What if a woman is definitely not interested in my lifestyle?

This is so much about pre-qualifying! Naturally there are many women out there that I admire, that I find sexy, smart, talented, wonderful and desirable and our lives will never share the same path.

The secret is understand and accept that you can’t have everyone. Wanting to attract or seduce everyone is immature. Suffering for not being able to attract of seduce someone in particular is in general a reaction that comes from believing in scarcity, believing there are not enough great prospects out there.

Now, what do I do with a sexy, smart, talented, wonderful and desirable woman that I will not have an intimate relationship with? I value and keep our friendship.

“I’m a scary judge of talent”

Thursday, March 19th, 2009
Al Pacino as Walter Burke

Al Pacino as Walter Burke

I loved that phrase from Al Pacino’s character Walter Burke, in the movie The Recruit.

I am a very good judge of value. After a few years studying human behavior and practicing, interviewing people for jobs and gigs, negotiating, and handling the volatile material that composes human interactions, I became very sensitive and capable of detecting the patterns of conversation and behavior that elicit what I want to know about people.

Most people have low self-esteem, but at the same time try [hard] to project more value than they have. Both women and men tend to have this shortcoming: They have value that they don’t know how to demonstrate. And they lack value that they try to bullshit you into thinking they have. That happens quite often actually; particularly by people hustling or bullshitting you.

I detect that fast, I detect it soon, and in general I avoid people like that.

Kat Williams on dating

Saturday, March 7th, 2009

When should you discard a contact?

Friday, February 20th, 2009

When is the time to take someone out of your network?

A rolodex is valuable not just for the quantity of contacts on it but also for the quality of those contacts. My criteria is very simple: As long as a contact is reliable it stays in. A contact doesn’t need to be likable, doesn’t need to be approved by others, doesn’t need to be a friend, doesn’t need to be in constant connection.

All I really care is that you do what you say and say what you do. Only a reliable contact has high value.

The very high value of a social hub

Thursday, February 19th, 2009

Social hubs tend to become power brokers.

Connections are a very powerful and desirable currency. Connections open doors that you can’t open with just money or hard work. Having the right connections can speed up projects, provide solutions for nearly impossible problems. Connections are one of the most elusive and volatile of all things to keep, but also one of the most valuable, if you have the right ones.

What makes someone a social hub?

Wednesday, February 18th, 2009

When people know that you are a great source of contacts, specially influential ones. You socialize and meet with influential people frequently. By virtue of the number and quality of your own social network you can act as a powerful problem solver, and those that know you recognize that.

One example:

I know several social hubs, but one I like to use as an example is a friend who used to be a State Representative and knows an incredible number of people of importance involved in politics and big business in the state, plus he has an equally impressive number of well placed contacts in Washington DC and New York City. He is a man that can make incredible things happen with a few phone calls, or a nice conversation over dinner, or at the golf club.

How to expand your network?

Tuesday, February 17th, 2009

For networking you should find a way to be close to that person or, if time allows, become part of the environment by making friendship with his/her friends, becoming a friend or offering something of value to that person’s life, rather than just coming to ask for some favor or business. Network connections created on a basis of friendship and personal admiration will last longer and there is only one way to make friends: Be a friend first.

The best way to build connections is by being helpful to others. To make friends you first have to be a friend. If you try to approach hustling and selling people will keep some distance or avoid you outright.

One very common opportunity to be helpful is when you see an opportunity to introduce your contacts to each other. Introduce them in a social setting. Invite both for the same dinner or night out. Bring them together, and say why you think that was a good idea, then let the chips fall where they may.

Should I also show up in person?

Sunday, February 15th, 2009

In some cases it makes sense to go out in the world in person and expose yourself. A professional that visits a trade show, for instance, is doing just that. A promoter that visits a nightclub and introduces himself to people is doing the same. A book author showing up for a book signing is doing the same.

Just make sure that, when choosing an event to participate, that you take into consideration all the costs, financial and otherwise, and compare them to the option of sticking to your online game.

At what places you should be showing up?

Only those places that are focused on the specific area of interest of yours, where people gather to socialize and/or make business, where you can learn from others and/or give them value by teaching them something.