Khaos Theory

Polyamory is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved, and is sometimes described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy.

The defining characteristic of polyamory is belief in the possibility of, and value of, multiple romantic loving relationships carried out with the knowledge and consent of all partners concerned. What distinguishes polyamory from traditional forms of non-monogamy (i.e. cheating) is an ideology that openness, goodwill, intense communication, and ethical behavior should prevail among all the parties involved. Some consider polyamory to be, at its root, the generalization of romantic couple-love beyond two people into something larger.

The expression “open relationship” denotes a relationship in which participants may have sexual connections with others. When a married couple makes such an agreement, it may be termed an “open marriage”. Some forms of polyamorous relationship are not open (e.g. polyfidelity). And some open relationships may be open only sexually, while exclusive emotionally. However, there is broad overlap between open relationships and polyamory.

It is possible for a person with polyamorous relationships to also engage in casual sex, traditional swinging, and other open relationships. Sometimes polyamorous people have been known to engage in infidelities or secret affairs, although this is no better accepted in polyamorous communities than in monogamous ones.

I loved that phrase from Al Pacino’s character Walter Burke, in the movie The Recruit.

I am a very good judge of value. After a few years studying human behavior and practicing, interviewing people for jobs and gigs, negotiating, and handling the volatile material that composes human interactions, I became very sensitive and capable of detecting the patterns of conversation and behavior that elicit what I want to know about people.

Most people have low self-esteem, but at the same time try [hard] to project more value than they have. Both women and men tend to have this shortcoming: They have value that they don’t know how to demonstrate. And they lack value that they try to bullshit you into thinking they have. That happens quite often actually; particularly by people hustling or bullshitting you.

I detect that fast, I detect it soon, and in general I avoid people like that.

For two reasons. The first is that most people confuse their self worth with their value to others, and don’t know that self worth comes from the inside. They look at their check book, their car, their house, and their relationships, and think that they are worth proportionally to those things they have. It would be a fine system when you are on top, making money, and playing around, but sucks when you are broke and things don’t go well.

Self-worth can mean different things to different people in different stages of life. How we assess our self worth is usually dependent on what stage or place we find ourselves at the moment. It can be a personal determination as to what we value the most; and if we don’t possess what we value the most, we can deem ourselves deficient and self worth plummets.

But aside from not understanding their own value, people also confuse it for a second reason: They think others are capable or perceiving their real value, whatever it is. That is not a good presumption. Others tend to be just as confused and blind about your value.

When you walk into a party and people see you come through the door, do they know you are intelligent and sensitive, and that you manage your money well, or that you take good care of your parents, or that you are honest and reliable and treat others with respect? They don’t notice any of that because there is no easy way to notice it. You need to use symbols, strategies, and language to get those values through. Many people get frustrated when they don’t see people appreciating and noticing what they consider to be their virtues, while it is their own responsibility to find ways to make others perceive those virtues and, consequently, perceive value.

People judge a book by its cover. They respect or discount you instantly based on your appearance. You can have the best personality around, but if you look sloppy, people assume you are sloppy.

Value does not manifest other than through symbols: Body language, spoken language, images, information about you, referrals, personal looks.

It’s unfair, your personality should be all that matters. Your ideas and work ethic should be the what people consider first. But they don’t. People respect those who look like they deserve respect. They spend money  on those who look like they already have money. And they seek relationships with those that seem to already have them or have already experienced them.

Value, for the purpose of the discussions in this blog, is the measure of how desirable, important, useful, or meritorious that person is from someone else’s point of view.

A persons value is the perceived worth in usefulness or importance to the beholder; utility or merit. The key word here is perceived. No value exists that is not perceived by someone. By separating and understanding independently what is your self worth, and your value to others, allow you to approve of yourself instead of needing someone else’s approval, while at the same time understanding how to project that value outwards correctly so people will notice it and will appreciate it.

Value is also relative. People will value you always in relation to how much value others can offer of the same kind and at the same time. Because uniqueness is the only value that cancel’s out this factor, the combination of being desirable and unique is so powerful.

Sensual awakening releases the most intense energy and source of physical comfort and happiness there is. Nothing (even drugs?) can release tension and stress and improve your well being like sexual satisfaction.

It seems to me that if you look at all the problems that affect human beings, sexual needs and relationship dysfunctions seem to be on the root of nearly everything.

If you have good relationships and satisfy your sexual needs frequently what else is left to worry about in life? Oh, there is money…

People want to make money, they want to learn, and they want to have fun. Not necessarily on that order. When you have an emotional connection with a woman, help her make more money, teach her how to live better, and show her how to have more fun and more pleasure, she will surely be considering you great company to keep.

Most people lead boring lives.

Not so much stupid, as mind-dumbingly boring. I don’t hate everyone. I just find most people boring. Uninteresting. Predictable. I don’t know why, I’m not a professional psychologist, but I tend to spend most conversations waiting for the other person to finish her text-book database of opening conversations.

So when you do anything unexpected, anything out of the ordinary, you automatically get upgraded to the “top 1%” just because the other 99% are simple doing nothing with their lives other than working, watching TV, procreating, and accumulating debt.

Mentorship is fundamentally a personal relationship. Some like to call reading books or watching seminar as mentorship but I think that should be called “reading” and “attending seminars” respectively, not mentorship. The particular act of mentoring requires meeting face to face, brainstorming, discussing ideas, giving encouragement, personal attention, physical contact, following up on emails, calling on the phone when necessary, and keeping the other person accountable for everything that was decided together.

For that reason finding a mentor means convincing the person to meet at some point, and then convincing your mentor that you are worthy of meeting again and again. You can begin by email or a phone call, or the introduction by a common friend, but at some point you will have to talk eye-to-eye and open your heart, say that you need help, that you value that person’s experience and expertise, and would be happy to learn.

The good news is that when you are real and honest, and if you really want to learn, very few mentors would ever refuse to take you under their wing. When the student is ready the teacher will appear.

Mentorship refers to a developmental relationship in which a more experienced person helps a less experienced person, referred to as a protégé  apprentice, or mentee, develop in a specified capacity.

I believe that most people want to be led, and that if they are being led in a way that increases or improves their reality for the better, that they will willingly follow.

Mentorship can be the fastest and most accessible shortcut to success in anything. A mentor can help you avoid whatever may slow you down or waste your time. A mentor can show you the best direction and encourage you to get there sooner.

A mentor may also help you with his own connections, opening doors you couldn’t open on your own. And most of all, a mentor can tell you about his own mistakes so you don’t need to repeat them.

Nobody learns how to judge value in school. Your family didn’t teach you that either.

It’s very important to have a good sense of value to detect opportunities. If you can see through the surface (appearance, cash) you may find out that a person can give you opportunities, opening doors, sharing contacts, finding jobs or projects, helping you make money and/or have fun.

Who should have more value to you? Someone that can give you one thousand dollars, or someone that can show you how you can make ten thousand? It is obvious but most people will choose the former and ignore the later.

First of all I want to shamelessly quote from FastSeduction FAQ:

Q: “There’s this one woman (I’ve been chasing for X days/months/years)… how do I get her to [like / love / sleep with me]?”

A: This is called “one-itis”. An AFC who doesn’t realize he’s an AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) will never understand why nobody can answer this question for him or why he will never be able to get this woman with his current mindset. First, you have to realize that if you’re thinking this way, you will always be an AFC and will almost always fail with women (you’re only sucesses coming from luck – hence, the term “getting lucky” which is used often by AFC types). Here’s why you can’t win over this woman: you don’t yet know how to go out and get 10 more desirable women in a short amount of time. If you DID know how to do that, you would not be obsessed with getting this one woman and you would already know how to answer your own question. Why? Think about it. If you could go out and have 10 (or more) women who are smarter, nicer, more beautiful, and more exciting than the one you are obsessing about, how important do you think she would be to you? You see, you can’t just go from being an AFC to PUA (Pick-up Artist) without a certain understanding. You have to first admit to yourself that you’re an AFC and get into recovery mode, becoming an RAFC (Recovering AFC). Learn to stop thinking like an AFC and the road to becoming a PUA will be clear. Once that road is clear, you will begin to understand the answer to this question. The reason this question is so difficult for an AFC to grasp is that truly understanding the answer is an epiphany.

[jetman coined one-itis, one of the most problematic symptoms of AFCs]

I faced this exact dilemma once more recently. Don’t read me wrong: I got rid of one-itis a long time ago, but occasionally a new girl comes along who is so far above average, with such high value to me, that I may have a relapse. So this time it was with a girl that off my list of most desirable characteristics a woman can have, a list with some 16 items on it she checked on just about… 14! That was way too close to my definition of an ideal woman for me, but she wasn’t as interested in me as I was interested in her. The result: I had for two days a case of one-itis! Here is the solution I found:

By the end of the second day I called another girl that I have been seeing for more than a year. She is a very good friend, one of the true sexually submissive women that I have found, and very fun to talk to and be with. So I arranged to meet with her at my place and we had a great session of sex, drinks, and fun talk, in that exact order. Then I got a Montecristo and a bottle of Malbec and went to the rooftop of my building. It was about 45 degrees outside and by the end of it I was shaking with cold, but didn’t stop until the end. I smoked the entire cigar and drank all the wine while saying outlout every little think, no matter how small or overlooked, that I didn’t like about her. In the middle I added phrases like “She is a Troyan Horse, sent to screw up my mind.”, and “She is very good, but there are others out there that are even better.” and other phrases to help me get a grip of myself.

Talking aloud makes your uncontious mind listen to it. I asked myself what would Style do? What would Joshua do if he was in my place? What would DeAngelo do? I questioned my motivations, I questioned her age (an important factor for me), and I questioned the wisdom of getting involved with someone that lives right on the other side of the country.

After all that I smelled like a cigar bar, was drunk, and literally felt the previously uncontrollable desire for her drained out of my body. She became a normal human being in my eyes and I could then see her problems, as well as her virtues, not through the goggles of passion but for what it is really worth.