KhaosTheory.com

I find it interesting that while many people agree that generally speaking, the man in a relationship should be “older” than the female, there is still such distaste for larger age disparities in relationships. Strangely enough, there are even rules about how to calculate the age that is “too old” or “too young” for you (the “half-your-age-plus-seven” rule).

Many younger women who seek relationships with older men are referred to as “gold-diggers,” by their critics. Clearly, the only thing attracting a younger woman to an older man is his money, right?

On the other hand, a young man lusting after an older woman is considered normal (the hot teacher fantasy). In fact, he would probably receive a pat on the back from his friends for accomplishing such a thing.

A large number of younger women will note that men their own age are often far less mature than they are. Women are also notably more attracted to powerful men, and younger men simply haven’t had the time to grow up and earn the same type of respect and power that an older man has. Combine that with the fact that older men are much more well-mannered, experienced and dependable, it’s easy to see why women are attracted to men ten or twenty years their senior.

This type of relationship holds the most appeal for both parties involved. The older men get the companionship of a younger woman who is all to ready to pamper him. Younger women get the attentions and affections of attractive, older and powerful men.

For many the word “daddy” conjures images of family, and, therefore, when used in romantic relationships, of incest. In fact, the phrase “sugar daddy” was coined specifically to inspire these kinds of thoughts. A younger woman simply should NOT desire the affections of a man old enough to be her father.

But the truth is, many women do look for the characteristics of a good father wheen seeking out a mate. They typically want someone who they see as a “father figure” (or at least who has the potential to be one to their future children). Generally speaking, the characteristics of a good father are also the characteristics of a good boyfriend or husband.

So why is it that seeking out someone who acts like a father is less taboo than seeking out someone who looks like a father? Why is it somehow more incestuous to call a man “daddy” than to have him act like a father to you? Don’t, in fact, most new mothers refer to their husbands as “daddy” once they’ve had children?

For two reasons. The first is that most people confuse their self worth with their value to others, and don’t know that self worth comes from the inside. They look at their check book, their car, their house, and their relationships, and think that they are worth proportionally to those things they have. It would be a fine system when you are on top, making money, and playing around, but sucks when you are broke and things don’t go well.

Self-worth can mean different things to different people in different stages of life. How we assess our self worth is usually dependent on what stage or place we find ourselves at the moment. It can be a personal determination as to what we value the most; and if we don’t possess what we value the most, we can deem ourselves deficient and self worth plummets.

But aside from not understanding their own value, people also confuse it for a second reason: They think others are capable or perceiving their real value, whatever it is. That is not a good presumption. Others tend to be just as confused and blind about your value.

When you walk into a party and people see you come through the door, do they know you are intelligent and sensitive, and that you manage your money well, or that you take good care of your parents, or that you are honest and reliable and treat others with respect? They don’t notice any of that because there is no easy way to notice it. You need to use symbols, strategies, and language to get those values through. Many people get frustrated when they don’t see people appreciating and noticing what they consider to be their virtues, while it is their own responsibility to find ways to make others perceive those virtues and, consequently, perceive value.

People judge a book by its cover. They respect or discount you instantly based on your appearance. You can have the best personality around, but if you look sloppy, people assume you are sloppy.

Value does not manifest other than through symbols: Body language, spoken language, images, information about you, referrals, personal looks.

It’s unfair, your personality should be all that matters. Your ideas and work ethic should be the what people consider first. But they don’t. People respect those who look like they deserve respect. They spend money  on those who look like they already have money. And they seek relationships with those that seem to already have them or have already experienced them.

For me people have value in the direct proportion to how much they can change my life; for better of course. People that could teach me valuable lessons, people that could show me how to live better, make money more efficiently, or have fun at higher levels, those were the most valuable people I ever found.

Value, for the purpose of the discussions in this blog, is the measure of how desirable, important, useful, or meritorious that person is from someone else’s point of view.

A persons value is the perceived worth in usefulness or importance to the beholder; utility or merit. The key word here is perceived. No value exists that is not perceived by someone. By separating and understanding independently what is your self worth, and your value to others, allow you to approve of yourself instead of needing someone else’s approval, while at the same time understanding how to project that value outwards correctly so people will notice it and will appreciate it.

Value is also relative. People will value you always in relation to how much value others can offer of the same kind and at the same time. Because uniqueness is the only value that cancel’s out this factor, the combination of being desirable and unique is so powerful.

People want to make money, they want to learn, and they want to have fun. Not necessarily on that order. When you have an emotional connection with a woman, help her make more money, teach her how to live better, and show her how to have more fun and more pleasure, she will surely be considering you great company to keep.

Most people lead boring lives.

Not so much stupid, as mind-dumbingly boring. I don’t hate everyone. I just find most people boring. Uninteresting. Predictable. I don’t know why, I’m not a professional psychologist, but I tend to spend most conversations waiting for the other person to finish her text-book database of opening conversations.

So when you do anything unexpected, anything out of the ordinary, you automatically get upgraded to the “top 1%” just because the other 99% are simple doing nothing with their lives other than working, watching TV, procreating, and accumulating debt.

Nobody learns how to judge value in school. Your family didn’t teach you that either.

It’s very important to have a good sense of value to detect opportunities. If you can see through the surface (appearance, cash) you may find out that a person can give you opportunities, opening doors, sharing contacts, finding jobs or projects, helping you make money and/or have fun.

Who should have more value to you? Someone that can give you one thousand dollars, or someone that can show you how you can make ten thousand? It is obvious but most people will choose the former and ignore the later.

We all start from nothing. We arrive to this world naked, helpless and ignorant.

You accumulate certain resources throughout life, or maybe you have not accumulated any, usually measured by money. This vision is limited because it excludes many other resources you have:

Wealth is not made of money. Money is only one manifestation of wealth. It is a form, but not a substance. Prosperity is a mentality, not things. You can be prosperous without having much money. You can be rich and not be prosperous.

I am troubled by how much people measure success by money, while one thing has very little to do with the other. Do you think Gandhi was not a successful figure because his portfolio was not impressive? Would you classify Mother Theresa as a failure because she was not a rich woman? Most of our founding fathers end up their lives badly in debt. Jesus was broke!

At the same time we all know many people that have a lot of money and we wouldn’t trade places with them, we wouldn’t want their broken lives, and we would not want to be as unhappy, as frustrated, or as stupid as them.

Money does not measure how proud we are of our kids, or how loving we are to our spouses. Money does not reveal how much we care for the others and how loving we are to the ones who need our help. When you say something good to someone on the street that doesn’t add a dollar to your bank account, but it adds value to your life. Making money is important and we know many reasons to make lots of it, but never fall into the trap of measuring the value of people by how much they have.