Archive for the ‘Exposure’ Category

Being cool

Friday, April 24th, 2009

376591423_c0b3889fc6Sometimes, we expect or even fall in love with the characters that people play and forget that they’re also real people. Popular culture makes us view people by such high standards, always free of trouble and cool all the time. Invariably, we become attracted to that image even though no one is really like that.

For the same reasons, clients often fall in love with escorts. Fans fall in love with their famous idols. They see them when they’re perfect, well dressed, and focused on doing whatever is it they do very well. They dosn’t meet those same idols when they are in the supermarket, having a bad day, or with a bad case of PMS.

It’s much like falling in love with Batman, there is no link to reality. Especially because at the end of the day, Batman is just Bruce Wayne. No one ever sees Batman washing the Batmobile or going to Jiffy Lube for an oil change. In movies, they’re never doing maintenance, they’re only ever enjoying.

Similarly, people who study sexual behavior in the last three or four decades have noticed how porn has been changing the expectations people have about sex. In the past, we expected a more romantic sexual experience.  Now, because of the availability of porn, most of the population expects the other person to perform like a porn star. Because very few people can do it, expectations often come crashing down.

Relationships: easy to get into, hard to maintain. Why are they so hard to maintain? Because it’s hard to keep up the lie. ’Cause you can’t get nobody being you. You got to lie to get somebody. You can’t get nobody looking like you look, acting like you act… sounding like you sound. When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative. – Chris Rock

We should recognize whether we’re meeting with the person or their representative. If you’re going to put forth any kind of image, you should keep in mind that the image is tarnishable. At some point the person will get to know you for who you really are. If you create a character it tends to lead to disappointment.

However, if you want someone to have a cool image of you, don’t do any maintenance in front of them. Make this policy part of who you are, not just something you do. Reserve time for yourself, time alone, and do all the maintenance during that time.

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Wolves vs Spiders

Saturday, March 28th, 2009

grey-wolf-snowjpgWolves:

Wolves will eat almost anything they can catch. They usually hunt in packs but sometimes might be on their own. Wolves hunt at any time day or night. Wolves hunt when they are hungry but if they are not successful they can go without food for many days and even weeks. Some wolves are not in packs, these wolves are called lone wolves. They hunt by themselves while wandering around. At some point the lone wolf might join another lone wolf and form its own pack to hunt with. After finding and choosing a particular prey, they move in on it from the opposite direction the wind is blowing. This prevents the prey from smelling the wolves coming, becoming alert, then running away. The wolves will quietly close in on the prey, sometimes in single file. Soon they will break into a run and the chase begins. Wolf hunts can last only a few minutes or as long as a few hours or more. If the hunt is not successful the wolves will continue on searching for new prey, maybe one that is weaker, providing an easier kill.

That so reminds me of guys storming the bars and clubs in packs, cold approaching, peacocking, chasing their prey for miles, sometimes getting some, sometimes starving for long periods of time. For me the most visible part of it is that they walk and move a lot to do it.

spider-main_fulljpgSpiders:

During the process of making a web, the spider will use its own body for measurements, a very practical and ergonomic design feature of any web. This will allow the spider to move quickly around its own web with very few faults. After the spider has completed its web, it will sit and wait. If the web is broken without any major structural damage, the spider does not make any initial attempts to rectify the problem. Webs allow a spider to catch prey without having to expend energy by running it down. Thus it is an efficient method of gathering food. However, constructing the web is in itself an energetically costly process due to the large amount of protein required, in the form of silk. The spider, after spinning its web, will then wait on or near the web for a prey animal to become trapped. The spider senses the impact and struggle of a prey animal by vibrations transmitted along the web lines. Spiders do not usually adhere to their own webs. However, they are not immune to their own glue. Some of the strands of the web are sticky, and others are not. For example, if a spider has chosen to wait along the outer edges of its web, it may spin a non-sticky prey or signal line to the web hub to monitor web movement. Spiders have to be careful to climb only on the non-sticky strands of their webs. A spider positioned in the middle of the web makes for a highly visible prey for birds and other predators. Many spiders reduce this risk by hiding at the edge of the web with one foot on a signal line from the hub or by appearing to be inedible or unappetizing.

Many people act like spiders. They lay out their web (parties, clubs, pads, businesses) carefully and tend to the upkeep of their webs (maintenance) while sensing the presence of any prey on it. When the prey is ensnarled on it the spider moves to catch it, and then moves back to it’s apparently static post on the edge, waiting for the next opportunity.

Which one is you?

One would rarely choose one style in total exclusion of the other, but we tend choose the method that is more congenial to our personalities.

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Should I also show up in person?

Sunday, February 15th, 2009

In some cases it makes sense to go out in the world in person and expose yourself. A professional that visits a trade show, for instance, is doing just that. A promoter that visits a nightclub and introduces himself to people is doing the same. A book author showing up for a book signing is doing the same.

Just make sure that, when choosing an event to participate, that you take into consideration all the costs, financial and otherwise, and compare them to the option of sticking to your online game.

At what places you should be showing up?

Only those places that are focused on the specific area of interest of yours, where people gather to socialize and/or make business, where you can learn from others and/or give them value by teaching them something.

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Multiple web sites

Saturday, February 14th, 2009

Make sure to use different web sites, different email addresses and, sometimes, even different names for profiles that have different purposes. Artists have stage names, writers have pen names, you can choose different nick names or “handles” to use accordingly.

In my case I have a web site and email address with my name. It is for very general purposes and serves as an anchor, a place online where people can find me over time and that never changes. Then I have this blog which exposes a specific view of who I am and what I am about. I also have other web sites for different professional activities.

There is no reason you should have just one web site. Actually the more advanced your online game becomes the more internet resources you are going to use.

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How would someone get in touch?

Friday, February 13th, 2009

If you have profiles online or your own web sites or blogs, you will get an email from that person interested in talking to you. In general I advise against posting phone numbers because you get all kinds of time-wasting phone calls. If someone responds an email there are several advantages: The person has to organize some thoughts and express what he/she is looking for. You can respond at your own pace while a phone call may interrupt you anytime and anywhere. If the email seems idiotic or a waste of time right off the bat you can just delete it and not waste any more time.

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Who will find you?

Thursday, February 12th, 2009

Who is more likely to find you?

I have online profiles related to my interests, lifestyle and sexual preferences. Those that share the same preferences and are curious or engaged in similar interests are most likely to find me than anyone else.

When they are using search engines or browsing social networks that I participate on, looking for people with the same interests as they have, they will find me there.

Equally important is that the general public will not find me. If you create a profile or web site that is too general wither it will suck and not attract anyone, or it will attract too many and you will waste a great amount of time trying to find good contacts in the middle of it.

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It’s better to be found

Wednesday, February 11th, 2009

What is the difference between finding them and having them find you?

It’s a world of difference. By making myself exposed online and approachable that way I filter possible contacts. It saves me a whole lot of work because I tell on my web sites and on-line profiles what I am looking for and how I am. This way the people that would like to see me will get in touch, and the ones that don’t like something will just move on.

The more unique and specialized your interests are the more difficult it is to find other people with the very same interests among the general population. The Internet is the resource that allows people from any place and any combination of interests to find each other to collaborate.

You can stay home waiting for strangers to stop by and introduce themselves to you. The more you tell the world who you are and what you want, the more the world will give it to you.

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You need a practice field

Tuesday, February 10th, 2009

You need to set up the field to practice.

If you want to learn how to approach or interact with women for example you must set up situations, or go to places, or join clubs where you will be interacting with women. Ideally do so in a way that you can interact without an obvious agenda, so speed dating and other dating situations are out. I don’t like clubs for that either.

Training is a great environment:

If you live at or near the beach join some massage classes. Those are usually months-long courses full of interesting women that you will be interacting with, and massaging, for extended periods of time. If not that find some other courses populated mostly by women in your city.

Be the recruiter:

Find something you need help for. Or perhaps a friend is looking for someone to hire. Maybe you are about to hire a new secretary, or you would like to find an event organizer to put together your next birthday party, or you want to hire someone to take care of your pets while you travel. Find something real and congruent with your real life. Because if a really good candidate comes in you want to give her a real job! Then post hiring ads and you do the interviews. You will be talking to dozens, or hundreds or women and every time you post a new ad you will be learning to narrow down the selection process more efficiently, and the interaction is really great.

Get a hobby:

Get yourself a hobby that attracts the type of women you want to have around. I like very attractive women that are sexually liberated and a bit (sometimes more than a bit) on the kinky side. So I became a photographer. For less than it would cost me a dozen of expensive dinners in blind dates, I got professional photography equipment including lights, professional camera, books on how to do it, and props. Sometimes I advertise (for free) looking for models and in doing so I have found a few pretty interesting women that I dated or had fun with. But the most interesting is that it created another way to interact with women that I have met for any other reason. I have photographed my friends and their friends, and learned a lot about how to interact, direct, and entertain women using photography as the context. The results are magic!

Promote your own parties:

You don’t need to be on the guest list at your own parties. You don’t need to drive home. You can talk to everyone. The bouncers and the promoters and the hot chicks, everyone will be nice to you, rather than you having to supplicate to them. It is a perfect comfortable scenario where your game, any game, will be much more effective and will yield great results.

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Where is the best place to find people?

Wednesday, January 21st, 2009

The best way is to actively connect with them one way or another. My favorite place for that is the Internet. I post my profile online on dating web sites and social networks, I participate in events and parties, and I join clubs that attract people with similar interests.

You can also say that I don’t look for people, I just expose myself conspicuously enough so that people find me. That is a valid way to describe it. I don’t find anyone: They find me.

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Who would be interested on Poliamory?

Saturday, January 3rd, 2009

Some people assume that every woman wants or should want nothing else but a long term monogamous relationship. While this is indeed true for most women, it’s not true of all women, as some women aren’t cut out for that type of relationship any more than some men are.

When a woman gets to know me, in general she already comes in knowing that she wants a deeper and more mature sexual experience, and knowing that she wants more freedom in her relationships. Sometimes however that discovery happens after we meet and she gets in contact with my lifestyle and the people around me.


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