Khaos Theory

Certainly, we have our share of top quality young women and ladies who have earned their good reputation, so it’s important to make the distinction between that group and the larger group that seems to be totally lacking in common courtesy or respect for the people whose time they waste.

It may be worse in some areas like Miami and Las Vegas, but it seems we have created a society of women that simply think the world owes them a living, and a very good one at that, because they are attractive. Perhaps this is the inevitable result of an appearance obsessed culture, where good looks give them special treatment and any shortcomings are forgiven if they’re pretty enough. But living in this fantasy land of the superficial prevents them from maturing as people. Whatever the reason, it’s a common complaint amongst the men who wish to be their partners.

I’m afraid we’ve created a monster and it’s reflected in the dating world. This primadonna attitude by the “princesses” in the dating world is what drove many guys out of it in the first place. Sadly, they soon learn that this same entitlement attitude infects the offline society in general world as well.

As an aside, I’ve gotten so turned-off by some of these spoiled girls posting on dating web sites and message boards about  how they “deserve” top-notch treatment for the mediocre experience they provide, that I’ve completely stopped seeing women that show any of this attitude, and I used to see them often – hoping in vain that some sort of sanity will eventually return. But sadly, the internet has just made it easier to reinforce these bad behaviors by providing an endless pool of suckers.

While the Internet  also gives us a forum for variety and pre-qualification, there are enough unsuspecting guys jumping hoops for these women that it appears we haven’t reached the bottom yet. Boorish behavior, after all, isn’t hard to learn, it’s only hard to stop.

Typically when a man is going to a bar or a club looking for a woman, his ultimate goal is sex. He’s looking for a one night stand, which also means he’s in a hurry. As with anything done in a hurry, this rarely works out well for him.

Consequently, much of the gaming technology is targeted at this man. While gaming schools of thought don’t always directly promote a one night stand, they are all about attracting women, creating trust and seducing. Many men take this information and apply it in the quest for a one night stand.

Even after applying this technology, the rate of success for this method is very low.  Making sex your main goal in relationships is similar to making money your main goal in business. You will almost never get it. The main goal in business should be excellence, and money comes as a consequence of that excellence. Similarly, if the main goal in relationships is excellence, sex will be one of the natural results.

I developed my online game much more, much earlier, than my social skills. I even became an expert in the techniques used to meet someone in person after you initially met online. This is considered a warm approach (As opposed to a cold approach in a club: talking to someone you have never met before, usually intoxicated and in a loud environment. Clearly a much more difficult method.) When meeting someone you’ve met online, you’ve spent some amount of time getting to know them, so you enter into the interaction with some level of trust and a more elaborate context.

Of all of my relationships online in the last few years, most developed over time. It never took more than six months, and was usually within the two weeks to two months range. I’ve observed that in some cases, when meeting someone you met online, you might have sex the same day, but it’s very rare. Sometimes it might be the second or third meeting, and other times it could be weeks or months later.

Another important factor about meeting people online is simply that you can have a lot of relationships online at the same time. There’s generally a minor time requirement when emailing back and forth occasionally. It’s similar to owning a farm and growing several different crops, you can harvest them at different times throughout the year, but there’s always something growing.

I propose that instead of seeking one night stands, it’s better to develop ideal timing. Instead of running an agenda based on your own interests, figure out how much time will she take to develop the proper amount of trust and comfort, learn to read her emotional states correctly and define the timing based on her, not on you. This method has a much greater rate of success  than setting your agenda on yourself and your need for instant gratification.

“Hi, my name is Cindy, and I’m 24 years old, and my favorite color is pink.”

Well, cindy4fun24… from your basic profile information, we’ve already been able to gather that information. Do you have anything useful to share?

Many people on social networking or dating websites fall into the habit of listing arbitrary information that is supposed to give an idea of who they are. Even if someone did falsely assume that they could get to know you by reading a few short paragraphs of supposed “autobiography,” what good will it do to repeat basic information that is already listed? What good does knowing your favorite color do for me?

Listing information like this is not only a waste of time for the author, but also for the person perusing the profile. Much of this information could be obtained simply by having a conversation with someone. Your favorite color or the TV shows you watch tell very little about who you are, anyway.

Instead of playing it safe by filling the space of an “About Me” section with useless information, people should learn to say things that actually will help them meet people they will be compatible with.

If you’re looking for someone who is a non-smoker… say so. If you need to find someone who is into kinky sex…put that in your profile.

Listing things like this that explain what you’re looking for, or why you’ve created the profile at all, will yield much better results. You will attract people who are truly potential matches, and avoid dealing with people who wouldn’t really interest you.

Make sure to use different web sites, different email addresses and, sometimes, even different names for profiles that have different purposes. Artists have stage names, writers have pen names, you can choose different nick names or “handles” to use accordingly.

In my case I have a web site and email address with my name. It is for very general purposes and serves as an anchor, a place online where people can find me over time and that never changes. Then I have this blog which exposes a specific view of who I am and what I am about. I also have other web sites for different professional activities.

There is no reason you should have just one web site. Actually the more advanced your online game becomes the more internet resources you are going to use.

Who is more likely to find you?

I have online profiles related to my interests, lifestyle and sexual preferences. Those that share the same preferences and are curious or engaged in similar interests are most likely to find me than anyone else.

When they are using search engines or browsing social networks that I participate on, looking for people with the same interests as they have, they will find me there.

Equally important is that the general public will not find me. If you create a profile or web site that is too general wither it will suck and not attract anyone, or it will attract too many and you will waste a great amount of time trying to find good contacts in the middle of it.