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For two reasons. The first is that most people confuse their self worth with their value to others, and don’t know that self worth comes from the inside. They look at their check book, their car, their house, and their relationships, and think that they are worth proportionally to those things they have. It would be a fine system when you are on top, making money, and playing around, but sucks when you are broke and things don’t go well.

Self-worth can mean different things to different people in different stages of life. How we assess our self worth is usually dependent on what stage or place we find ourselves at the moment. It can be a personal determination as to what we value the most; and if we don’t possess what we value the most, we can deem ourselves deficient and self worth plummets.

But aside from not understanding their own value, people also confuse it for a second reason: They think others are capable or perceiving their real value, whatever it is. That is not a good presumption. Others tend to be just as confused and blind about your value.

When you walk into a party and people see you come through the door, do they know you are intelligent and sensitive, and that you manage your money well, or that you take good care of your parents, or that you are honest and reliable and treat others with respect? They don’t notice any of that because there is no easy way to notice it. You need to use symbols, strategies, and language to get those values through. Many people get frustrated when they don’t see people appreciating and noticing what they consider to be their virtues, while it is their own responsibility to find ways to make others perceive those virtues and, consequently, perceive value.

People judge a book by its cover. They respect or discount you instantly based on your appearance. You can have the best personality around, but if you look sloppy, people assume you are sloppy.

Value does not manifest other than through symbols: Body language, spoken language, images, information about you, referrals, personal looks.

It’s unfair, your personality should be all that matters. Your ideas and work ethic should be the what people consider first. But they don’t. People respect those who look like they deserve respect. They spend money  on those who look like they already have money. And they seek relationships with those that seem to already have them or have already experienced them.

For me people have value in the direct proportion to how much they can change my life; for better of course. People that could teach me valuable lessons, people that could show me how to live better, make money more efficiently, or have fun at higher levels, those were the most valuable people I ever found.

Value, for the purpose of the discussions in this blog, is the measure of how desirable, important, useful, or meritorious that person is from someone else’s point of view.

A persons value is the perceived worth in usefulness or importance to the beholder; utility or merit. The key word here is perceived. No value exists that is not perceived by someone. By separating and understanding independently what is your self worth, and your value to others, allow you to approve of yourself instead of needing someone else’s approval, while at the same time understanding how to project that value outwards correctly so people will notice it and will appreciate it.