Tag: Domination
Why some people turn submissive?
by Khaos on Mar.27, 2009, under On being dominant
There are several aspects to that like the different social roles (alphas, betas, etc), the biological drive, etc. But I think one new aspect is very influential in modern society. I heard from several friends that are Doms and Dominatrix pretty much the same story with little variation: that when someone is in charge and important and full of responsibilities in the “real world” that person would have a strong drive to then prefer the opposite in their sexual life, hence their strong drive to become sexually submissive.
It’s a fine explanation but I saw too many exceptions. I am a Dominant when it comes to intimate relations but I am not submissive, or indecisive, or a beta male, or a follower in any way in the “real world”. Same happens to all my friends who are Doms. That was a big hole in the theory people were telling me about. Yes I know of a lot of surgeons, politicians and businessman that turn passive and submissive when it comes to sex, but I couldn’t apply the formula to most Doms I know and to a good number of subs as well.
Then I came up with an explanation I think will cover a much higher percentage of all people I know. Still not perfect, but I think this theory is much more universal. Here it is:
We all play roles in our lives, like “father”, “husband”, “doctor”, “mother”, “boss”, “mistress”, etc. We all play several roles. We know that many men let themselves be defined by their roles, specially their professional role. They don’t see themselves separated from the role they play as a doctor, a police officer, a professor, a stock broker, or whatever they do for a living. Many men get depressed when they lose their job, some have trouble having sex and suffer from very low self-esteem while unemployed. They let their work define who they are.
I believe that when a man (most men, and some women too) lets himself be defined by his professional role, and that role is very stressful, full of decisions, pressure, and anxiety, he will have a very strong drive to seek relief from it and will not want to take any decisions and will prefer a passive and sometimes a submissive role in sex.
When a man dissociates from his professional role and other external symbols of success, responsibility, and importance, he won’t have the anxiety and stress and will not need to seek similar relief. So he can then be dominant and independent and a leader in one aspect of his life, and do the same in other aspects, like in their intimacy.
Why is submission so misunderstood?
by Khaos on Mar.25, 2009, under On being dominant
Individuals who submit control of a large percentage of their day-to-day life to a dominant partner, or who submit within a formal set of rules and rituals are sometimes referred to using the term slave, which is distinctly different from the historical use of the term, and the practice of this type of consensual sexual slavery is different from the historical practice of slavery.
As with most other sexual practices and concepts, the notion of submission is usually misconstrued or misunderstood. Most people associate submission with weakness or lack of self-esteem, while in reality I very rarely found a submissive woman with either of those problems. Quite the opposite: To be great submissive a woman usually needs to be successful, happy, secure, and have a trusting relationship with her dominant partner.
In general I don’t like to have relationships with women that are submissive outside of the sexual context. I have a very strong preference for women that are strong, independent, successful and happy. I was raised by strong, creative, intelligent women and learned to admire and respect them from the beginning.
Trust and deep connections
by Khaos on Mar.08, 2009, under On being dominant, Rapport
I appreciate a deeper level of sensual connection. An intense sensual awakening that only happens when lovers trust each other and are engaged in discovering what pleasures them the most, and what pleasures their lover.
Every change brings fear and uncertainty. The curiosity and desire for better life and experience is often suppressed by the fear of delving into uncharted territory. The idea of having someone more experienced guiding along the way tends to be very attractive for that very simple reason.
I found a path to it through sensual domination. It requires a lot of trust. To win my submissive’s mind, body and soul, I know I must first win her trust. I will show my submissive humor, kindness, and warmth. I must also show her that my guidance and tutoring is knowledgeable and deserving of her attention, that I am a man she can learn from, and trust my direction.
Above all else I cherish my women, in the knowledge that the gift they give me is the greatest of all. As a stern and demanding Dominant I take full advantage of the power given to me, but know how to share the pleasure that comes from that precious gift.
