Did you ever have a fabulous experience with someone and wondered if something that special will ever happen again?
In Greek mythology, Aphrodite is the goddess of love, beauty and sexual rapture.
In everyone’s lives there are certain moments or people that you can remember fondly years later. These memories remain crisp in you mind no matter how much time has passed, whether because of a good connection or sex or usually both. While these memorable times are often few and far between they are always clearly distinguishable from any other experience you had.
In these memories both people involved were amazing. The sex was fabulous yet maybe you had sex with the same person other times and it wasn’t that special at all. Perhaps it wasn’t that special with anyone else? So what is it that determines the outcome?
Sometimes when you are going through a dry spell in your relationships don’t you feel afraid that such amazing, magical, incredible spark may not happen again? Ever?
I found an interesting parallel between the concept of genius in ancient societies and our own experiences. It was considered at that time that a “genius” was a separate entity from the the artist, the person who actually produces the work. The artist gets inspiration for his work, the insight to create a masterpiece. These ancient artists were aware of the fact that this divine inspiration would not always be there, and that not every work would be a masterpiece. When one considers the genius to be an outside force, there are less psychological pressures and they wouldn’t feel that bad if the next work wasn’t as just as the previous.
In modern times we have come to think of a person himself being a genius. If one is a genius they should be able to consistently produce tremendous works. The problem with this logic is that it turns one’s craft into a burden. Suddenly, a painter isn’t simply painting, but there are expectations and demands on his work.
The same concept can be applied to relationships. The outcome of any event (date, lovemaking, courtship) depends on multiple factors, including the environment, the other person, and yourself. If any one person takes all the responsibility for the results, it will be very difficult to meet that goal.
This is especially true for a man in his late thirties or early forties. At this point in his life, his physical performance may be waning, and moments of physical brilliance may be fewer and farther between. It’s a common occurrence that the relationship with the same person over the years is not causing the same sparks anymore, or the body is not cooperating (hence Viagra, Cialis, etc), or the stress and signs of age are taking their toll.
Aphrodite protects us from narcissism. If you were fantastic lovers… you can’t take all the credit for it. But when things don’t work it is not entirely your fault either. Believing that you are the vessel, the source of all the brilliance, all sensuality, connection, and consequent success in the relationship is a bit too much responsibility for one (or even two) mere human beings.
Here is where Aphrodite comes to our rescue in a way similar to the genius in the previous example. She is like an invisible force that puts all the pieces together. She helps you both figure out, unconsciously, what it is that you like about the other person and how to make it work. When Aphrodite is on your side the experience becomes fabulous. It helps psychologically if we can accept that Aphrodite is not always there. Maybe she (Aphrodite) was there before and the experience was amazing, but she is somewhere else today and… well… it will just not be as good today.
While understanding the other person and understanding yourself does help to round out the relationship, it doesn’t necessarily produce those memorable moments. Though some may argue this point, recruiting the help of Aphrodite is not something learnable. Many claim that you can learn all the steps and factors and components that produce a fabulous relationship. Some claim that even having a great sexual experience can also be learned. That nonsense distort egos, creates anxiety and unreasonable expectations about looks and performance.
Love is capricious and there is always some uncertainty to every moment of it. But if you meet that lover again and this time it wasn’t that great, don’t beat yourself up too much. Perhaps Aphrodite wasn’t having a great day herself either. It’s her fault, not yours, and definitely not your lover’s fault.
In our technocratic and scientific world view the human body is rarely viewed holistically, but understood as an object made up of transferable bits and pieces. Body components can be exchanged or replaced like spare parts: blood transfusions, organ transplants, prosthetic devices, artificial bones and joints, false teeth, plastic surgery, breast and penile implants. We can all be disassembled and reassembled like the cyborgs from our favorite sci-fi flicks.
Individuals who submit control of a large percentage of their day-to-day life to a dominant partner, or who submit within a formal set of rules and rituals are sometimes referred to using the term slave, which is distinctly different from the historical use of the term, and the practice of this type of consensual sexual slavery is different from the historical practice of slavery.
“Submissive” is a label used to describe a partner who takes the passive, receiving, or obedient role within a sexual context.
Sensual awakening releases the most intense energy and source of physical comfort and happiness there is. Nothing (even drugs?) can release tension and stress and improve your well being like sexual satisfaction.